Recently I discovered that the formatting on the original posting of School & Marriage got messed up, making it difficult to read. I thought it was worth re-posting. As a student, your marriage is soon be considered an “only life thing”. Therefore it is at risk of being victimized and sabotaged by “school-style evolution”:
I want to talk about “school’s” impact on your significant “unschooled” relationships. I am focusing on marriage primarily because my husband is the person closest to me. I have to come to terms with how my “school” involvement hurt him; but you could really insert any important relationship in to this scenario.
School spins a special brand of “school-induced” denial. Our illustrious leader likens “school” to the “French Revolution”. A revolutionary does not blow off the mission due to laziness, or aimlessness — an “I don’t feel like going tonight to the super, secret strategy meeting.” or “I’d rather curl up on the couch with my spouse and watch West Wing than discuss ‘universal truths.’” Come hell or high water, a revolutionary with “sufficient valuation” shows up for this exclusive, mission-critical calling.
If I am working on myself, Any man will do
Attend long enough and you buy into the “I am WORKING on MYSELF!” “I am a soul AWAKENING, in the world of sleep walking men and women!” programming. It translates into: My awakening, due to “school”, benefits my family, my friends, my co-workers, my dog, my fish, my neighbors, their fish, Barack Obama, the Police Department, the cashier at the nearby convenient store, all the customers standing in line with me, etc, etc, etc, because I am radiating fineness! I am a walking light casting shadows on the walls of the cave of darkness! Simply my presence as a woman who is ‘GROWING HER BEING’ will benefit all who come into contact with me.
You find yourself – even when every cell in you would rather stay home watching West Wing and snuggling with your spouse – justifying school’s need for your stellar attendance record and absolute silence and compliance.
I may be exaggerating somewhat (or not), but it happened to me, and my vanity glossed over the holes in the French Revolution argument; after all I was a spiritual revolutionary, a soldier marching off to war with my comrades! Really, I was driving in rush hour traffic to an old, restored, mill in Billerica, to attend “class”. The French Revolution is over. There are no enemies hiding behind corners waiting to ambush the heretic seeking enlightenment – thus there is no legitimate reason for the urgent attend-every-class-at-all-costs requirement, high security and secretiveness (illegitimate reasons, a plenty, but that’s another chapter).
As a “school” student, your presence at home will decrease exponentially in correspondence with the increasing, exponentially growing, super-secret, mission-critical school demands. Of course the number of secrets required also expands exponentially; for if you make certain “efforts” for “school” (i.e. recruiting new students) you cannot discuss them with those in your “only life”. School calls these efforts “third line of work” and touts them essential to “awaken”, to “grow a soul”, to “evolve”. So not only is your physical presence limited, school cleverly hijacks your emotional and psychological presence.
Gradually, the “secrets” required of you will insert and wedge between you and your spouse. The wedge wiggles back and forth, widening the gap with each new demand. You are emotionally and spiritually distracted, physically taxed and sleep deprived; therefore absent even when your body is home.
So, let’s step back further to get some more perspective. One of the first things Robert tells new students is that “sleeping humanity” has a skewed relationship to time. Everyone is “so busy.” He scoffs at this and says, “If you tell me you don’t have time to do this or that, I won’t believe you.” Thus the seeds of “school” can dismiss the time you need for your insignificant “only life things” are planted early.
So let’s outline school’s evolving time requirements: as a new “younger student” you disappear on Tuesdays and Thursdays between the hours of 6:30-9 or so. When deemed “ready”, you join with the “older class” which extends to say 9:45, 10:00, sometimes 10:30, 11:00 – after which you “observe the required one hour of silence” to “seal off leaks”. I don’t know about you, but if I were to go home and “observe an hour of silence” there, my husband would find it odd. Tack on another hour. Often times during that hour I would enlighten my spirit at the McDonald’s drive through, because I’d rushed from work to “class” without dinner.
After being in school between three to six months, you graduate from “youngest student” to the “been here long enough” phase. One day while sitting in reverent silence awaiting the day’s lesson, a “teacher” will announce, “ I need to see these people.” S/he will read a list of names, including yours. The anointed will file into another room in silent anticipation and dread. Once there the teacher will say one of three things:
1) “We’re going to have a party.”
2) “Robert needs our help to grow the school. You have been chosen to embark on a very special ‘third line of work’ (congratulations!) And it only requires you to go out and make new friends.”
3) “We’re going to present a lecture/presentation and we need you to ‘invite people’.”
These three items need their own sections to flesh out the amount of “effort” and “work” required to throw a “school party”, or go out and “make new essence friends” without revealing your last name, work, home town, whether you have kids or not, own a dog, floss your teeth daily, etc., or invite friends to a “presentation” that has no title, topic, date or location. Suffice to say that you can expect to see your spouse, and or kids, or your “life” friends far less than you presently do. And guess what – they notice your absence. They feel your absence. And they feel something else — insincerity. You tell a white lie, like I’m going to meet a particular friend for coffee, when in fact you are meeting a potential new recruit, or going to a “school” meeting that falls on a Wednesday. If you know that you are telling a half-truth, or a seemingly innocuous lie, or omitting information, they feel it. The gap between you and your loved one widens some more.
For those readers “not in school”, I can hear the thought, “No shit, Sherlock”. But those of us in (or who were in) need rude awakenings to get this message. Often times we would set “aims” to do something special for our beloved. Does the quality time make up for the quantity of time missed? We begin to believe that we can control our spouse’s disappointment with a special dinner, or trip, or gift. We can’t. When the special gift or event doesn’t work and we ask our “sustainers” or “teachers” why not? We are told that if our “beings were stronger, more evolved,” if our “efforts were more sufficient” then we would soothe the savage beast. We must “work harder on ourselves”. Of course, no body states the obvious: these special and “aim-full” events don’t bring back lost time and don’t sooth the loneliness and worry. The loneliness, the worry and your absence will only increase with each passing year.
Alarms may sound but it often takes screeching sirens to shake us out of our hypnotism-induced stupors. Someone is fired. Someone’s spouse, or sibling, or friend, or children confronts them – “What is this thing you are going to every Tuesday and Thursday night. Are you in some kind of a cult?”
Someone loses his/her marriage.
So let me dial back to the marriages. Guess what, no matter what line you’ve been fed, your spouse is not benefiting, unless you’ve chosen to share some of the real and fine ideas that school does indeed expose one to, albeit in a rather twisted presentation. Of course, you break the code of silence when talking about these “secret ideas” outside of school, unless sanctioned by school – which certainly would never be the case unless you are specifically recruiting a new sheep into the fold. I’ve yet to meet a colleague who recruited a spouse.
I left school in August, and it is now February. Just shy of seven months and several hundred miles later (my husband and I drove from Massachusetts to South Carolina this August and the miles between provided a number of “Oh my God” moments) I can only conclude that school “aims” to break up marriages. Of course my post-leaving discovery that many students in the “older class” are married to each other, or married to teachers highlights this conclusion. And the further discovery that Queen Sharon – the New York branches leader and Robert’s “teacher” – arranges these marriages and breaks them up at her whim further confirms it.
When I decided to leave school, I didn’t know about “school marriages”. I knew that my marriage, my relationship to my soul mate – which had survived several significant losses already including parents, grandparents, jobs and homes – would not survive school. I knew I was not willing to trade him in for this institution. This realization fell on me, followed by an avalanche of others, the most important one being this:
Robert did me a huge favor when he passed on the instruction TELL YOUR HUSBAND TO MIND HIS OWN BUSINESS (insert Wizard of Oz voice here). It shook me out of my stupor. I thought, “But this is his business. If I have to tell him to ‘mind his own business’ in order to be in school, I can’t be in school.”
Later I discovered that Robert is (of course) married to another teacher and I kept hearing echoes of him saying, “I am trying to put myself in your husband’s shoes.” When I quit school, we talked on the phone. His voice heavy with disappointment he said, “It’s a terrible thing your husband has done to you.” All theater. It is easy to be “in school” when married to another attendee; you don’t have to explain the unexplainable. There are no lies to tell.
As with so many other ironies that exist behind the hallowed halls, suddenly being available to my marriage made me awaken to it. For the last seven months, simply being home to write grocery lists with him without being exhausted or distracted took on new meaning. My gratitude for the man, our union, and the life we work towards together has only grown deeper, along side the love we have for each other.
A healthy marriage needs time and trust. School strips its students of both. Your time becomes its time. Your voice morphs into a font of school propaganda, allowing it to continue its super, secret, critical mission to keep Sharon and Robert rich, at the expense of your “only life things”. Not only are you “paying for your arising” at $350/month, the interest rate increases exponentially with each passing day. So my hope, dear reader, is that, if nothing else, you come away from this post knowing this:
Nothing can make up for the time lost, except for time together. Nothing can restore trust but voicing the truth. This time, your time, is far too precious to squander away in “school”. Your truth, told in your voice will ring true, thus restoring trust and providing healing.
From what I read online, the intermarriage thing was like a matrimonial “musical chairs.” Without mentioning names, I was like: “Oh, so-and-so ended-up marrying Bob?” Weird.
Hi whncht – thanks for commenting. Yes, it sounds like it’s common practice to — as Steven Stills used to sing — “change partners” when in “school”. Having never “made it into the inner circle”, I can’t confirm this, but perhaps readers can.
There was also that song: “love the one you’re with” (CSNY). I knew a couple of couples in the school, but for the most part, if it was going on at the time I was there it must have been hidden, because I was not aware of it. It could have been unspoken, or it may not have been prevalent at that time.
I don’t know why the page is “messed up” but it is still readable. I went back and looked at the “Comments” on the old page and they are quite meaningful and definitely worth another read. I recommend going back and looking at those responses.
Thanks GingerBerry, for checking out the old page and for pointing people back to it.
On another note, I do want to comment as someone who had a marriage “destroyed” by school, as someone who subsequently had an “arranged marriage” and also as someone who “adopted”.
I think I will speak about my daughter here and leave the others for another time.
Unlike many others who adopted, I did not adopt a child from another woman/couple in school – although I do know a number of those circumstances quite well. During my first marriage, I had a miscarriage (this is another story as well) and longed for a child. After my divorce (and my ex-husband’s re-marriage to a woman who he brought to school after they married – yes, that definitely does happen) I wanted to try to have a child as a single parent.
I asked Sharon about this and she told me that I was incapable of being a good mother because I was not a loving woman and would not be able to take care of a child properly. No comment here on her child rearing practices. She suggested that I get a plant instead to practice on. I said that I had a lot of plants and they were doing quite well, thank you. She then suggested I get a dog. Not an adult dog but a puppy that I would have to train. I was disappointed, heartbroken, angry, disillusioned, frustrated, confused (the list could go on).
Several weeks later, I was asked by a number of people if I had gotten a dog yet. I was told by a teacher (we will call him “FM” – who was also instrumental in my divorce) that I better get a dog and follow Sharon’s instructions or I might not be able to stay in school. I got a dog.
A year later, I asked Sharon the same question again and she told me to get another dog. Same scenario. I got another dog.
Meanwhile my biological clock was not only ticking but ticking really fast. Time was passing… I decided to try by myself (with or without Sharon’s approval). I proceeded on to a long period of trying artificial insemination, fertility drugs and finally several rounds of IVF. I was flying back and forth to Colorado to do the IVF as my cousin is a fertility specialist and he was helping me for free. I became pregnant again and then had another miscarriage. At that point, Sharon told me that I had to speak in every class for a month or I would not be permitted to return to school. Threats and menaces. You have to understand, I was frightened that I would be thrown out of school and then I would have “nothing”. I had lost my husband. I had no child. It was just me and those two damn dogs. I didn’t go back to Colorado.
Fast forward several years to my newly arranged marriage. I still wanted a child. My husband had four sons by a previously arranged marriage and wanted a daughter. I had applied at an adoption agency the week before we met. It looked like my dream might come true.
We decided to adopt from China or Korea. Sharon put the kabash (dictionary definition: “to put an end to something”) on that immediately. She insisted we adopt from Russia so that our child would look like us and we could say that she was our “natural” child so that my husband’s sons would accept her as their “sister”. I’m writing this and I lived it but it scarcely sounds believable.
So, we adopted from Russia. Fifteen years ago. No one told me anything about what the consequences might be of adopting a traumatized abandoned child subjected to the Russian orphanage system.
I live with a child (who I dearly love) but who has Reactive Attachment Disorder. Google it. My life has been, shall we say, extremely challenging. More on this later. I will just say that a year ago, she spent a year in a residential treatment facility for fire setting. She has been hospitalized three times this past year since she has been back home. Once for assault and battery on me. She steals on a daily basis, lies, destroys everything in her wake, and is abusive to us on a daily basis. My dream come true.
Hi Ginger Berry – Wow. Thanks for sharing this sobering story — just one of many examples I’ve heard to date about “school”-style “evolution” destroying “only-life things”, marriages, children, careers, families, etc. The adoptions probably deserve their own post. I invite anyone out there to write one — I only heard about them once I’d left the ranks.
To Ginger Berry: thanks for your post. Your telling of it shows the absurdity of it all, and makes it seem almost comical, if only it didn’t have the tragic side. I wonder if they thought of themselves as “playing God.” Well I suppose we all conceded power to them by playing by their rules, if not we would have been kicked-out (at least threatened with it).
As someone who was once a partner in an arranged school marriage and subsequent school divorce, I given a lot of thought about what really happened to me, and to what happened to my friends around me. And my conclusion is that it all revolves around power and control.
A few sociopathic people set themselves up to be “teachers” , “authorities”, “conscious beings”. We walk into the room as fresh faced new students, and eventually we come to accept this charade as the truth. Various techniques are used to manipulate us: threats and menaces, shame and blame, shunning, ostracism, to name a few. Esoteric ideas are taught, and they ring true to us, but we don’t catch their subtle twists and distortions. We are now under the leaders spell and our critical thinking has been suspended.
Making decisions on our own was frowned upon, “self will” it was called. I remember RK in class, calling someone out on their “self will” – the forceful, disapproving and derogatory tone. It was a spectacle put on for the consumption of all of us in our tight circle of chairs. It was pure public humiliation, and as an observer, you wanted to avoid it at every cost. (although we couldn’t see this psychological dynamic at the time) So we became good students, and eventually we asked for help with all aspects of our life. We became willing and complacent, easy to manipulate. We handed over more and more power to these imposters. Over time, we willingly handed our power over to Sharon, and she seized it; she uses it to her own advantage.
We put these alleged “teachers” on a pedestal, give them our power and our money, and allowed them to dictate our every move – where we live, where we work, who we marry, how we raise our children. We handed over our power on a silver platter, and said “Sharon, tell me what to do”. These “next steps in evolution” conveniently happen to coincide with the over arching aim of the school survival.
The survival and growth of school is the paramount aim of school, in my opinion. Maintaining the power structure is second, and it’s closely tied to feeding Sharon’s vanity and enormously inflated sense of herself. Many have said she has a Narcisstic Personality disorder, but I am not in a position to make this diagnosis.
I believe that making money is a close third aim of school. I think establishing and maintaining power and control has to trump money as an aim, because without the control structure, the group could not exist. We wouldn’t stick around, I think. If it wasn’t for the gradual stripping away of our power, most of us would have said no to the time, money and recruiting demands early on in our tenure.
I believe that Sharon has started to believe the charade that she’s performed over all the years. I think she sincerely thinks that she knows best: which two students belong together, who is fit to be a mother and who is not, etc. Yes GSR, I think Sharon sincerely thinks she is a “conscious being”, that she knows what each student’s next step is in their evolution, be it a marriage, a divorce, a new job, or adoption. The students in her group make her their god. The power that so many of us so eagerly handed over has gone to her head. She is corrupted by this absolute power. No one is allowed to question Sharon and her dictates. The risk is always public humiliation or ostracism. And to be publicly expelled from the group in class is the worst punishment of all. Therefore Sharon can do whatever she wants. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
The day I decided never to step through those doors again was the day I reclaimed my power. I’m approaching my seven year mark of being out, and I am still so completely and entirely happy I left. I lost my husband and house in the process; it was extremely painful, but it was totally worth it. As hard as it may seem to leave, there is so much joy and freedom to be gained.
For any current students who are courageous enough to be reading this, please read and reread these posts and consider them carefully. Please weigh them for yourself, ask could they be true. Could it be that much of what goes on in class is merely psychological maneuverings to get your classmates to bring more students, or become more devoted followers? Do you think you could ever disagree with Sharon in class? Question, question, question for yourself, and come to your own conclusions.
As someone who was once a partner in an arranged school marriage and subsequent school divorce, I given a lot of thought about what really happened to me, and to what happened to my friends around me. And my conclusion is that it all revolves around power and control.
A few sociopathic people set themselves up to be “teachers” , “authorities”, “conscious beings”. We walk into the room as fresh faced new students, and eventually we come to accept this charade as the truth. Various techniques are used to manipulate us: threats and menaces, shame and blame, shunning, ostracism, to name a few. Esoteric ideas are taught, and they ring true to us, but we don’t catch their subtle twists and distortions. We are now under the leaders spell and our critical thinking has been suspended.
Making decisions on our own was frowned upon, “self will” it was called. I remember RK in class, calling someone out on their “self will” – the forceful, disapproving and derogatory tone. It was a spectacle put on for the consumption of all of us in our tight circle of chairs. It was pure public humiliation, and as an observer, you wanted to avoid it at every cost. (although we couldn’t see this psychological dynamic at the time) So we became good students, and eventually we asked for help with all aspects of our life. We became willing and complacent, easy to manipulate. We handed over more and more power to these imposters. Over time, we willingly handed our power over to Sharon, and she seized it; she uses it to her own advantage.
We put these alleged “teachers” on a pedestal, give them our power and our money, and allowed them to dictate our every move – where we live, where we work, who we marry, how we raise our children. We handed over our power on a silver platter, and said “Sharon, tell me what to do”. These “next steps in evolution” conveniently happen to coincide with the over arching aim of the school survival.
The survival and growth of school is the paramount aim of school, in my opinion. Maintaining the power structure is second, and it’s closely tied to feeding Sharon’s vanity and enormously inflated sense of herself. Many have said she has a Narcisstic Personality disorder, but I am not in a position to make this diagnosis.
I believe that making money is a close third aim of school. I think establishing and maintaining power and control has to trump money as an aim, because without the control structure, the group could not exist. We wouldn’t stick around, I think. If it wasn’t for the gradual stripping away of our power, most of us would have said no to the time, money and recruiting demands early on in our tenure.
I believe that Sharon has started to believe the charade that she’s performed over all the years. I think she sincerely thinks that she knows best: which two students belong together, who is fit to be a mother and who is not, etc. Yes GSR, I think Sharon sincerely thinks she is a “conscious being”, that she knows what each student’s next step is in their evolution, be it a marriage, a divorce, a new job, or adoption. The students in her group make her their god. The power that so many of us so eagerly handed over has gone to her head. She is corrupted by this absolute power. No one is allowed to question Sharon and her dictates. The risk is always public humiliation or ostracism. And to be publicly expelled from the group in class is the worst punishment of all. Therefore Sharon can do whatever she wants. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
The day I decided never to step through those doors again was the day I reclaimed my power. I’m approaching my seven year mark of being out, and I am still so completely and entirely happy I left. I lost my husband and house in the process; it was extremely painful, but it was totally worth it. As hard as it may seem to leave, there is so much joy and freedom to be gained.
For any current students who are courageous enough to be reading this, please read and reread these posts and consider them carefully. Please weigh them for yourself, ask could they be true. Could it be that much of what goes on in class is merely psychological maneuverings to get your classmates to bring more students, or become more devoted followers? Do you think you could ever disagree with Sharon in class? Question, question, question for yourself, and come to your own conclusions.
Wow! I wish I had more time to respond to this!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing so clearly and succinctly about that which is so difficult to describe. Every line of your comment rings absolutely true to me. And most poignantly and importantly, you reclaimed your power and life when you left. Congratulations on your seven years of freedom!!! My experience is quite similar in terms of never regretting my decision to leave. It was the first independent decision I’d made in five years and I’ve only gotten stronger ever since. My life today reflects that growth. So ironic, isn’t it? What I sought from “school” I found when I could finally ask myself, “Why am I letting these people micromanage my life?” Decided to say “f this!” and took the risk of trusting myself.
Thank you, again, for this fabulous account of your experience, your conclusions and the joy of reclaiming our birthright!
I believe that making money is THE paramount aim of school, seconded only by S’s insatiable need for attention. If she had succeeded in show business to the point of becoming a movie star, she would never have become a cult leader but unfortunately she could never achieve or maintain the weight loss that is necessary in that industry for real success. Plus you are then at the mercy of studios and the press. How much nicer to have a sizeable group of people eager to do any service for you, who hang on your every word, and whose lives you control completely.
I believe S is a psychopath, not a narcissist (sp) Why? Because things are arranged on the top levels of school with an awareness of manipulating people’s lives. A narcissist operates on a smaller scale. If you read “The Psycopath Next Door” you will see that she fits the criteria perfectly, and that the condition, which is inborn, is not so rare (frighteningly).
I think there is a certain enjoyment of the pain caused through the manipulations because then she can “heal” it – divorced? You should never have married him – now marry x – I will sanction it and you WILL be happy. Feeling empty? Have a child. Too many children? give one up. Have money? give me some. Don’t have money? Make some and give me some. I have heard all of these “instructions” and “suggestions” (code for “instructions”). Sick and rich? We’ll take care of you. sick and broke? Better go and if you get better you can come back and….you can make money again and give it to me!
I have heard the teacher say flat out that she does not know the “work” ideas, I have heard her quote Oprah as work ideas, bring up things from the dictionary “‘will’ is higher than ‘wish'”, call men c*nts and women vipers and sh4ts. I have seen her switch from trying to cajole someone who wanted to leave into staying to fury and telling them they were crap and trying to break up their marriage and then telling them they were banished, all in about three hours.
There is no esotericism in this and there has not been for many years, if there ever was.
I personally do not believe there ever was. I have heard too much history on these people to believe it was ever anything but a mutual stroking and sexual attraction between S and A. She left her family and went west, he elevated her to cult queen and theatre ‘icon’ during the sixties. She became extremely wealthy quickly. The group learned to hide, to collect more money, and how to hook people in as cults became a better known phenomenom. The internet brought new challenges time brought new crops of victims. There are permanent denizens of the cave and there are some on the faster track – all provide income to She, and she lives very well indeed. She has never sacrificed an iota, not one jot or tittle. All the permanent contributions to the elevation of the planet that ‘school’ has accomplished have been for her resume and obituary alone – the Horn plays (ugh), the Chekov Concert, etc. Any efforts by students to start something that would contribute something permanent – which we were told was school’s ‘mission’ were given a small amount of attention – enough to create a line of work project, raise some money, exhaust some people, maybe try some recruiting, and then went exactly nowhere. Theatre companies, Country retreats, studies, lectures as ‘esoteric knowledge’.
I feel for the people who went there for spiritual reasons and thought they found the source, but my own judgement is that any genuine spiritual connection was in the sincerity of the people who were scammed and never ever with the leaders, who saw the whole thing only as a distorted reflection of themselves – holding a ‘mirror up to life’ and life being a thing to be twisted to serve them alone. Again, I say with a great deal of knowledge of history and herstory that most people don’t have. I also have some training in the appropriate psychiatric backgrounds, so my call on her condition is not entirely without expertise.
When I read people’s posts about their genuine experiences and loss of the connection to a source, I often cry. I wish I could be with them to hold them and let them know that whatever connection they made and whatever love they shared is and was theirs,and theirs alone. They still have it, and they can still summon it. “All that is gold does not glitter, and not all who wander are lost”. YOU did it, YOU have it, YOU brought it to them, where they squandered and shat upon it. I had a friend there, still in, who said, “If it don’t feel right, it must be shite”. There were too many hours of violence and discomfort, too many times of people being put “on the spot” for it to feel ‘right’. In a Monastery you might choose to “do battle” through questions with a master, but you will never be humiliated, told where to work, who to marry, told you’re shite, threatened with expulsion if you don’t wash rocks at three am, humiliated in front of 60 of your best friends for four hours and then expelled in the middle of nowhere, as your 60 now ex-best friends join in telling you how they always knew how awful you really were.
This is not esotericism or even a bastardization of it – this is bullying for gain, using techniques commonly known as “mind control”. We are all under the influence of these techniques in our society all of the time – they are used extensively in some of our most sacred institutions (the military could not exist without them, schools would not function, and the two party system and the media that supports it would blessedly become extinct). Joyce Collin Smith, who was Rodney Collin’s sister-in-law, a follower of Ouspensky and later of the Mahareshi Mahesh Yogi during the Beatles’ experiment (and greatly disillusioned by his abuse of his followers for money, fame and sex) eventually found her answer, which she wrote about in her book of the same title, “Call no man ‘Master'”. she found that essential esoteric teaching that, except in the beginning, to learn the basic precepts, your path is your own and your teacher is yourself and your relationship with your conscience and your soul.
Regarding this:
“I wish I could be with them to hold them and let them know that whatever connection they made and whatever love they shared is and was theirs,and theirs alone. They still have it, and they can still summon it.”
This is very true. There were certain connections and love, in the midst of all the rest, which I think Cassandra catches very accurately. I have beautiful children, and I learned a thing or two about human nature. This is my connection and love. And still a lot of crap which lingers in corners of my mind, and in some of my children’s minds.
Plus I have Joyce Collin Smith’s poetry – not a book, but a manuscript copy which S gave to a few of us years ago.
No, sorry, poetry of Rodney Collin’s wife, Anna Logan. I mispoke.
Wow! Cassandra, I hope that we hear from you more often!!! Please contribute, contribute, contribute. Sounds to me like you could simply write your own blog or publish a book. Everything you write here is soooo important to know, but I want to highlight these two items:
1) About spiritual connection: “… I wish I could … let them know that whatever connection they made and whatever love they shared is and was theirs,and theirs alone. They still have it, and they can still summon it. ‘All that is gold does not glitter, and not all who wander are lost’. YOU did it, YOU have it, YOU brought it to them, where they squandered and shat upon it.”
2) About Joyce Collin Smith and Call No Man Master: “… she found that essential esoteric teaching that, except in the beginning, to learn the basic precepts, your path is your own and your teacher is yourself and your relationship with your conscience and your soul.”
Yes, yes, yes!!! I must now read this book!
Big thank you for your contribution, Cassandra!
Pas de quoi! Call No Man Master used to be available online and nowhere else (14 years ago or so). I highly recommend it, both for information about the original teachers of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky’s times, and also for Ms.Collin-Smith’s experiences, which are fascinating and helpful to read – particularly about her writers block.
I will definitely check it out! Thanks! And I hope to read your contributions more often. 😉
Cassandra, maybe its not accurate to single out one ‘aim’ of the group and say it’s paramount. Perhaps its more accurate to talk about the aims of Sharon and company in terms of triads: money, power and vanity being the operative forces. At any given time one of them is the active force, but they switch positions, depending on the time and situation. I do believe that all so called “help”, “suggestions”, and “instructions” are given with a hidden agenda – to keep the recipient in school, or more dependent on school, or to be better able to make money, or to “grow” school in some way. In my mind its all about the survival and growth of the group, and the operative forces being power, money, and insatiable vanity. And Sharon certainly enjoys her role of a self appointed demi-god/cult leader. The whole situation is so painfully sad.
I am open to that formulation, but I think it dignifies my idea, which was to assert that school is to benefit S materialistically and psychologically – all of its structure is composed with that aim in mind. But you make wonderful points. Please continue!
Yes, I totally agree with you, that school exists to benefit S materially and psychologically, but sometimes these gains are not immediately apparent. Over the years I saw lots and lots of “help” dished out, both in class and as a sustainer. To me, it seemed that much of this so called “being work” had less to do with money and more to do with either keeping the recipients in school, or more dependent on school, or feeding S’s sense of power and control.
Take the topic of school marriages, for instance. S. and school do not benefit financially when two long term students marry. They both will pay the same tuition and fees as before. There’s no short term financial gain. However, you can make the argument that it reduces the risk that an older student would find someone on the outside, and be pulled away from school activities; or pulled away from school all together; hence,avoiding a potential drop in income at some point in the future. so in one sense, it is all about the money.
Perhaps that’s a fear that keeps S. up at night, that all the devoted older students carrying the weight of school on their shoulders will someday suddenly leave – you know the students I’m talking about, the best recruiters, the lecture preparers and presenters, the most active ones in class. Maybe one day they’ll say, I’m 45 years old and I’ve been doing this for 20 years, maybe it’s time I find a husband or wife who’s totally devoted to me, instead of this crazy group with a slightly off her rockers leader. Maybe these top students will say, I want to spend more time with my kids before they’re grown, or I’d rather fix up my house than pay endless amounts of tuition and fees. This must be a real and present fear for S., because school is so dependent on the work of the older students and the younger teachers.
And S. certainly enjoys playing matchmaker, and she’s awfully quick to break up couples. too, even marriages that she arranged herself. When she says marry this one and divorce that one, it’s at least partially about her over inflated ego. She does it because she can, because she thinks she knows best. It’s all massive interference in the natural courses of the students lives. Grown adults in the free world should be able to make their own decisions about who to date, marry, or divorce; or about what job or career is right for them; or whether they should buy a house or not; or move to another city for a promotion or to help an ailing family member.
I heard about one Montana retreat several years ago where S. tried to break up a relatively large number of marriages between the oldest Boston students. I believe S. said the couples should divorce because some spouses weren’t helping the other spouses evolve. Some couples did split up, and others didn’t take this so called “help” and are still together today, as far as I know.
I can’t know her true motivations behind this push to divorce, was it massive meddling in other lives on S.’s part, or some perceived notion that this would be better for school somehow? Maybe the “unhelpful” spouses wanted their spouses to stay home more, play with the kids, do work around the house, instead of recruiting, preparing lecture series, etc. Maybe some of these spouses had voiced doubts about the legitimacy of the group. Who knows why they were deemed “unhelpful”, or why S. attempted to play the role of some sort of ersatz omnipotent god.
I agree with you, the ultimate motivating factor behind most of the help given is money, but the financial gain is not always immediate or apparent. That’s why I think you need to look at the aims of school as more of a triad. One force will always take the active role, often it’s money, but sometimes its power and sometimes it’s ego. And I still think that the ultimate driver behind all “help” and “instructions” is the long term survival and growth of school. Because schools survival is so tied to the long term survival of an abundant income stream, I agree with you, in many ways, its “all about the money, honey”
Hi All, This is a great conversation! I think we can speculate on the primary motivating factor based on our experiences, but it’s clear what the cult’s motivations are not about: not personal evolution for “students”; not societal betterment; not the creation of “real men and women”. “School” blathers on about awakening, while putting its students into a cult-induced coma. “School” posits about responsibility while micromanaging the personal decisions of all who join, dismissing their personal perceptions, feelings, thoughts, questions, experiences, inducing a state of dependence with the intention of creating lifelong, tuition-paying, “help”-seeking students. It is sinister and sick. Ironically, everything “school” presents itself as, is exactly the opposite. Lift the curtain and you find a small group of delusional people, trying to control others and maintain an income stream, at the expense of their “only life things”.
What I find most objectionable is the extreme degree to which we were used and manipulated. Much was made of this so called idea, “being used by a higher level” during my later years in the group. It’s such a clever distortion of the ideas in the book In Search of the Miraculous, such as the Step Diagram.
Those of us who had been around awhile were bright enough to know we were being used and exploited; it was that little whisper that would speak to us when ever something about class didn’t feel right, that voice that we were told to doubt and discount as denying force. Folks, I think most of us had a clue of what was really going on, but we just couldn’t or didn’t want to believe it.
But the idea of being used by a higher level turned this doubt around and made the experience of being “used” somehow noble and commendable, even virtuous. It was part of the process of awaking sleeping humanity, and we were all soldiers in this noble effort. We few, we merry few.
Now I see it as all just clever propaganda, but then a large part of me believed it. The leaders knew how to manipulate us through feeding our own vanity, because yes, we were the select and chosen few who were working on awakening ourselves.
I guess I’m still wrestling with my own culpability in all of this. I don’t see myself as a 100% victim, because that gives all the power to them. I have to take some kind of responsibility for my many years of participation in the group. Looking at how my own vanity and gullibility was used as a vehicle for exploitation is certainly part of the equation.
This is why this blog and other resources on the web are so important because they expose the ugly underbelly of the group. The truth must be told, and others warned. When I joined the group in the 80’s, these resources were not available to me. I was young, naive and trusting – a perfect candidate for exploitation. At least now potential recruits can garner some knowledge, be warned, and make informed decisions,
A big THANK YOU to everyone one who is shining the light: you GSR, the folks at the Esoteric Freedom and A little Survivor’s Handbook sites, among others, and to all former students who contributed to the Rick Ross and Steve Hassan essays about the group. Bravo!
Your thanks are so much appreciated! I thank you for continuing to contribute to this effort. The more voices, that speak out, the better. The more people who talk, the less secrets there are. This group survives on secrecy (aka as “privacy”). This “privacy” allows the con game to continue unchecked. Without secrecy, when exposed as a destructive and deceptive mind-control cult, they really can’t survive.
I just went on A little Survivor’s Handbook and read the section “Q & A: Vampires, Snakes and Scorpions” I am so deeply disturbed by Linda Jo’s accounts of what went on in CA in the 70’s, my heart goes out to her and all other victims of those times. What happened to me is a picnic in the park in comparison, I deeply admire the strength and courage it took for Linda Jo to write so explicitly about her experiences.
link: http://www.survivorshandbook.com/q-a/
All a person needs to do is look-up online the wealth they acquired to see that money was a major (if not paramount) motivation. If money was in any way incidental, it would not have been so well managed. Before going on the Montana “work vacation” (mid ’80s), students were asked for a loan of 2 thousand dollars each so land could be purchased in upstate NY. We were promised the loan would be returned, even if we were to leave school. A few times I tried to make contact to update them on address changes, but nearly 30 years later, no money returned!
That game never got old. In the late 90’s we were asked to contribute to purchase land that was to become our permanent shared country place and retirement home if we wished and we were told that we would get the money back if the place was ever sold. It was eventually sold and we never saw a penny. I only gave the minimum which was either $1000 or $1500, I forget. When asked to make further contributions I truthfully told them I did not have it.