In April, *someone* sent in a comment that I chose not to post; s/he challenged me to write about specific and private family issues. These details could only be known by either, a personal friend, or a particular *teacher*. And a friend would not have written this comment. Here is my response:
To the Commenter who challenged me to speak about my family:
Given the tone of your message, you must be the “teacher” tasked to monitor this blog. Given what you know about my family situation, you sound like Carol. I could feel the venom spewing out from your “comment” — i.e. thinly disguised empty threat.
It may interest you to know that my post-“school” new “life” policy is this: no more secrets. Secrets suck your energy and time away from you, do they not. I have been and will continue to speak about “school” whenever and to whomever I wish. And I obviously am not trying to hide my identity. At the same time, I decide what to share in this public forum. I no longer have to ask you for permission to breathe and wipe my ass. That’s what happens when you leave school — you stop abdicating responsibility to “teachers”.
You have a son and understand that some topics are off limits. But I finally recognize your “comment” as a “school” tactic: ask an off-topic, rhetorical question that “aims” for your target’s vulnerabilities. It takes the focus off the truth, confuses the recipient and shuts them up. There was a time when that tactic really worked. As you can see, it no longer does. You have no power to stop me from publicizing my “school” (i.e. cult) experience. Because, as you are living, you have to keep everything secret, veiled.
Imagine if you were free to simply live a normal life. Imagine if you didn’t have to scramble around covering up a strange web of lies told and proliferated by “school’s evolved leadership”. Secrets are their own prisons, are they not. I imagine you’ve been imprisoned for decades. Imagine a life in which you decide things like when to take a vacation, to breathe, to sneeze, change a job, keep a journal, etc. A life in which no one is lording over you and holding you responsible to control that which – ultimately – cannot be controlled: a roomful of adults, some of whom will soon begin to ache for a return to their free will. And will return to it of their own accord.
I imagine the leadership raked you over the coals after the January exodus. In truth, the students who left, left because “school,” at its core, is a farce, a con job. They left before it claimed their lives further by dictating normal life choices: what to do for work, who to marry, when to have children, when to give up children, how much money to make and where to invest it … or give to Sharon, etc. They have lives, friends, family, passions, jobs, spouses, children. They chose to keep their lives and not allow “school” to dictate these things, as it dictates your choices.
“School” can never be the “esoteric” institution in pursuit of truth it claims to be. Maybe in the beginning, it had that potential. It certainly offers powerful ideas that are not widely known (although, very available as I discovered once out of “school”). Too bad school twists and mishandles these ideas. One former member did tell me that Alex Horn originally “aimed” to start a cult. But I have not been soured enough to believe that you, or all the other “teachers”, are simply sociopaths-in-training following his lead — you must believe in “school” an as institution of higher calling and that’s why you are willing to “do whatever it takes” to keep it going.
Alas, we have all been deceived. You know that at some level. But I imagine that after a number of decades, it would be painful and difficult for you to leave. It is not impossible to reclaim your life, though; others have left after several decades — even teachers. So you could leave as well.
At the end of your days, when the curtains are closing, do you really want to look back on your entire adult life and see that you gave it away, in service to a deceptive cult?
Think about it.