Big storm today and I am content as a kitty. Why, because I’m finally able to accept my innate tendencies towards introversion, with moments of extroversion. At heart, I’m a gentle soul, whose natural affinities lean towards quiet, and solitary activities — writing, reading, long meandering conversations about deep thoughts (sigh) and emotional experiences, hanging with my guitar, my mandolin, writing a new song, etc.
When I was a “school” cog, I allowed the hallowed halls to hollow out my soul. It told me “we don’t know ourselves … thus, you must trust that those who’ve been doing the work longer, know you better than you know yourself.” The longer my tenure progressed, the more empty I felt and the things that brought me joy, made my life feel meaningful started draining out of me until I almost lost my ability to write.
I call that indoctrination process Cultic Identity Theft. Thank God, I left when I did. My writing voice returned almost immediately — some internal part of me said, “Damn, I’ve been waiting for you to come to your senses. Now I can finally say my piece.”
Today, six years plus years “school”-free, I want to share the silver lining with you. Every day – and I mean Every. Single. Day. I am grateful to have my life back. Because each day that passes between me and my last day of “school” brings me back to my core self with a new appreciation for that core self and a new propensity to protect those essential elements of my identity. Cults thieve identity, fashioning members into one-dimensional cogs in the wheel.
But, you Dear Reader, can always retrieve your true self. It doesn’t leave you; it lays in wait and arrives when you’re ready. And it’s a joyous reunion when you discard the cult self and return home. At this moment, I’m listening to Patty Griffin, one of my favorite singer/songwriters, sing one of my favorite Patty Griffin songs, Making Pies (enjoy), and feeling inspired by it!
Inspiration became a foreign concept during my illustrious “school days” — something that other people got to enjoy. “Real” artists. Not me. Man, it feels fucking great to reject that cult doctrine and return home. I highly, highly recommend it and I hope those of you who are reading this blog, because you’re wondering if you’ve been recruited by a cult, will honor yourself, see the con for what it is and rejoin the real world soon, with a more deeply ingrained appreciation for your essential self and identity, never to let anyone try to steal it from you again.
That’s all. Happy snow day, northeasterners!