I’ve started listening and it’s very interesting … I highly recommend it!

http://cultish.org/

Michael C, is this what you were searching for on Saturday?

Everyone else can ignore this post.

When I created this blog, I was unburdening myself of cult secrets. Now, I’ve released my cult days out of the cult closet. Friends know. Family knows. Colleagues and co-workers know. Laying down those burdens benefited me in endless ways; for starters, when you have no secrets, secret groups have nothing to hold over you. In a future post, I will outline the benefits further.

This post is about the liabilities of secret-keeping. “School” secrets damaged my mind, my psychology and my relationships — collateral damage, to be dismissed as “only life things”. Keeping “school” secrets benefits the mysterious Queen Sharon at the expense of everyone else. Ironically, many Boston-branch “students” aren’t told of Queen Sharon. They have no idea that their every thought and breathe is meant to be serve her, everything else be damned.

When it comes to cults, this is standard fare. Cults foster circles within circles, or as “school” likes to call it, “worlds within worlds” …  The outer circles — in “school’s” case, the “younger classes” — don’t know about the mysterious “inner circles”. Many in the Boston branch don’t know about New York. Many in New York don’t know about Boston. The “classes” within these two cities, don’t know about each other. The word is that this cult has a branch in Germany. Who knows how many branches full of “students” that don’t know about each other exist in other “invisible locations”.

This intentional lack of transparency keeps all in the dark about the cult life to come. “Students” are unwittingly participating in a bizarre system of deception, beginning with this requirement:  “it’s very important that you don’t tell any one about this … it’s private — just for you”.  Membership seeds in secrecy.

That secrecy grows like a weed. That first little lie (or, cough, clever insincerity) snakes out and spreads through your life, in concert with the length of your tenure, leaving a wake of damaged relationships behind. Collateral Damage includes Friends. Family. Marriages. Relationships with children. Jobs. Colleagues. Co-workers. After all they are “only life things” …  you know.

All cults require secrecy to greater & lesser degrees. Recently a friend with whom I’d shared my illustrious cult days said: “Secrets are a cancer to our souls and the collateral damage is extraordinary.” 

That’s why I plan to keep spreading the word; this is not just about my little mom & pop cult. The collateral damage extends far beyond. In October, I met a group of mothers whose 20-something children had been sucked into various destructive groups. These mothers were desperately seeking real help (as  opposed to “help”) and finding that resources were few & far between; some of them faced legal threats, efforts to intimidate them into silence, also standard cult fare.

I know some about cults abusing the court system; “school” tried to drag me into some b.s. lawsuit in 2014. When cults employ the legal system to intimidate, the damage ripples out, impacting communities, societies, and tearing away at the fabric of democracy and free speech … paid for, of course, by our tax dollars.

These endless ironies could fill the pages of a very lengthy book. Example after example illustrate how destructive groups, such as “school”, cults, are, essentially, psychological cancer — emotional, psychological, physical malignancies that multiply and spread, leaving a wake of destruction behind. ISIS, of course, is the most extreme example at present.

My daliance with a little cult called “school” (or “the study”, or whatever the latest name) is just one example of a bigger force of destruction: destructive groups that institutionalize and justify lying by placing themselves above civilized societal norms and referring to anything external “only life things”, inferior, therefore expendable. Just collateral damage, sacrificed for the higher cause. Cults. Extremist groups. Human traffickers. Sex Traffickers. The list goes on and on. They all use the same tactics that are seeded in lies cloaked in secrecy and justified by the claim of “sacred knowledge”, “enlightenment” or some such bullshit.

For the ultimate, smelly, irony is that, inevitably, the enlightened “cause” is to make some narcissist rich. Collateral damage is simply to be expected and accepted.

Or not.

It may be February, but it’s never to soon to think about warmer days, as depicted by Mary Oliver’s poem below.

Maybe those of you who are “breaking rules” because you are having doubts about a certain “school”, or “study”, or whatever its calling itself now, will be free of it by May.

I raise my coffee mug to the possibility of your cult-free summer and potential freedom of mind:

THE SUMMER DAY,  by Mary Oliver

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean–
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down–
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?

Hey, I’m on t.v.! Yay!

This video, comes from the Cable t.v. show, The Song. Songwriter & hostess, Mary Wheelan, interviewed me & Doug Kwartler, the producer of Cult Confessions, the CD. It is the sound track to my story, which is becoming Cult Confessions, The Presentation/one-woman show.

When I left “school” in 2011, I continued to obey “rules” and keep secrets at first; like a good cult cog, I didn’t Google the group or talk about my experience. But the memories constantly looped through my mind. I felt crazy and alone. I broke the “No Internet Research” rule to save my sanity. Various websites and blogs unearthed “school’s” clever insincerity and three things unfolded: 1) my ability to write returned. 2) my mind started reintegrating as uncovering “school’s” not-so-evolved past shed new light on my present-day experience. 3) my cult story wrote itself.

In 2012, I posted this blog, kicking off my personal policy: No More Secrets – cult secrets are a social cancer spreading isolation, depression and tension, damaging relationships and infecting psychology with skewed thinking. Releasing secrets has proven exponentially healing. If it were up to me, all ex-cult members would reclaim their voices, power and lives by speaking out. But victim blame and shame is so prevalent that very few do. Cults continue on luring in people who happens to be vulnerable for whatever reason. They damage and isolate members; the damage ripples out to friends, families, colleagues, jobs, courtrooms, etc.

Speaking out — exposing cults and their secrets — not only heals individuals, it is a public service. And speaking of speaking out, on this blog I’ve never tried to hide my identity; anyone who shared the classroom with me will be able to identify me through the story I’ve told, because it’s true; but I’ve never revealed my identity, either.

The time has come for me to take that risk, because I plan on expanding the public service; I’m trotting Cult Confessions out beyond the virtual world. I’ve piloted this presentation at various private events and — in the spirit of edu-tain-ment, public service and good old fashioned American Freedom of Speech — it’s time to widen the audience with whom I share my cautionary cult tale.

More to come …

A member from the 1985, “school”, in NY which was located on the corner of Franklin & Broadway, is seeking to connect with fellow classmates.

Please ignore that picture of The Haddock, I assumed this former “student” was a Boston person. Turns out he’s a NY person. (Oops, my bad).

If you’re open to it, email me at GSR@cultconfessions.com; I’ll put you in touch via email.

Despite my mistake, this post about, “Somerville school” circa 1980, is still an entertaining read …  The “Secret” East Somerville “School”.

Before launching into this post, I want to say hi to Michael. How’s the cult? Are you “monitoring”? Just stopping by for some lite reading? Or … having doubts? Perhaps we “evil” bloggers, we band of “disgruntled ex students”, are on to something? Perhaps some aspect of this will ring true to you …

Now, about loaded language …

In the hallowed halls, the word overwhelmed was to be immediately dismissed. Bobert told us that there was no such thing — a false construction by lower beings–sleep walking, soul-less slobs, who didn’t have the privilege of being “schooled”. He scrutinized anyone who had the gall to say “I’m feeling overwhelmed“, especially if a cog’s overwhelm interfered with an enlightened “school” project — say, “making new friends”, and/or bringing “new friends” to “presentations”, or lying to local merchants to secure free Christmas trees for the “school” holiday party.

He also said, “confidence is a myth – it doesn’t exist.” We were not to use the word “just”. Essence Friends blared a shameful spotlight on “school” cogs who allowed the word “just” to slip in to a plebeian sentence.  A more “awake” cog would interrupt the poor dear with a pointed “JUST???”

It was ridiculous, even funny, those linguistic infractions. But, trust me, when you are constantly monitoring your spoken language to screen out inferior words, you induce a special, cult-sponsored, type of enlightened naval-gazing — it’s an effective & insidious tool for inducing neurosis and self doubt.

Recently a fellow “disgruntled” and I were “breaking school rules” by talking on the phone without “school” monitoring (God forbid!!!). I admitted to feeling … no, don’t say it … OVERWHELMED. She called it “the O word.” We laughed, realizing that, even 5-years “school”-free, I still hesitate to utter the dreaded “O word”.  I also still actively screen my vocabulary for the word “just” – filtering it out of conversation when I spot it.

These are examples of “school”-loaded language. I have spent five years, writing about, talking about, reading about my cult experience and digging into cultic studies. When I see those verbal viruses still worming around my psychology, I realize how impressionable & mold-able our psyches can be — we’re vulnerable by nature; the lower your esteem and confidence (oh, yea, confidence doesn’t exist … oops) the more vulnerable you are. Remnants o’ cult-hood within, like loaded vocabulary, prove tricky devils; they know how to hide in the shadows.

In his seminal book, Thought Reform and Psychology of Totalism, Robert J Lifton includes loaded language as integral to what he calls ideological totalism — “an extremist meeting ground between people and ideas.”

He wrote: ” The language of the totalist environment is characterized by the thought-terminating cliche. The most far-reaching, and complex of human problems are compressed into brief, highly reductive, definitive sounding phrases, easily memorized and easily expressed …”

Remember … “those are only life things“ “you are in internal considering” “what’s your aim?” “ask for help!” “are you remembering yourself?” “you are in self will” “breaking ‘school rules'” and my personal favorite, “the non-expression of negative emotions“ … etc.etc.etc.blah.blah.blah.

I’m sure you, dear reader, can contribute your own examples. “School” cogs don’t really know what these phrases mean, cuz the “teachers” can’t really explain them, but they are accepted as psyche-scrubbing and spirit-refining enlightened vocabulary.

Lifton wrote: ” … the effect of the language of ideological totalism can be summed up in one word: constriction. He is, so to speak, linguistically deprived; and since language is so central to all human experience, his capacities for thinking and feeling are immensely narrowed.”

Imagine those who’ve spent decades in “school” and worked their way into what is often called the inner circle — those who are “school” married and “school” employed; those for whom even the personal choice to have children, or not, or keep the child she had, was and continues to be dictated by the enlightened leadership (cough). This hijacking of person hood is a practice I call soul murder; even after one departs the ranks, it lurks insidiously, loaded language infecting thoughts, perceptions and impressions.

I believe the only way to purge and heal from this psychic virus, the way to reclaim and own your psyche, thus your life, is to share your story in some way, with other humans, if it’s only one other human, it will help. Problem is that, cults, like cancer, are not things we are inclined to discuss openly. Who among us would volunteer our cult days? Can you imagine saying to a friend, a cousin, a sibling, a parent, “Hey did I ever tell you about the cult that recruited me?” Most are too ashamed — how could I have been so naive? So trusting? So easily duped? With victim blame so prevalent and accepted in society, better to sweep it under the rug.

But not really; there’s nothing more empowering than reclaiming your own experience, by voicing your own thoughts, and generating an inner understanding of how your particular cult used, misused and twisted language, worming into and infecting your thought process, psychological makeup and inner emotional world. It is really key to recovery — because loaded language is at the heart of mind control. And secrecy only lodges it deeply into the darkest recesses, while protecting predatory groups like “school”.

Thus, I strongly encourage you to “break the rules” — take back your birthright and speak out!

Recently a fellow “Disgruntled” sent me a link to this article: I was a poster child for AA. Then I realized I’m not an alcoholic.   I recognized the story. The author, Tina Dupuy, told it on This American Life.

Turns out Ms. Dupuy was born into a cult called “The children of God” (the name alone is creepy enough). Her parents were, shall we say, inadequate, and she wound up in a group home, essentially raised by AA. She is starting a podcast in February that you, dear readers, might want to check out: Cultish

I certainly will be.

Over late fall and early winter, my husband and I started binge-watching (horrors!) The Leftovers — an HBO series based on the Tom Perrotta novel. One day a percentage of the world’s population disappears — poof, they vanish from car seats, kitchen tables, classrooms and soccer fields.

The Leftovers scramble about in emotional pain, in a constant search; thus a number of cults pop up, the most prominent being The Guilty Remnants, or GR (ya’ gotta love that name). Guilty Remnants take a vow of silence and renounce all worldly possessions, family, friends. They live together, wander around — empty shells draped in white garb — “witnessing”, which means  following people, lurking outside their homes, creepy white shadows, cigarettes dangling & smoke constantly curling up from cold fingers. Unlike “school”, GR does not pretend to care about group members; it’s the end of the world and the cult’s sole purpose is to “Make THEM Remember” …  (ring a bell, self-remembering, anyone …)

The Leftovers humanizes all characters; over time even GR’s branch leader, a revolting character named Patty, becomes sympathetic, almost like-able (she’s very funny) as viewers peek into her history. Other cult depictions — The Master or Martha, Marcy, May, Marlene — portray cult members as off-putting freaks. In contrast, my “classmates” were thoughtful, intelligent, funny, well-educated people, with normal life things: jobs, families, passions, etc. The group’s appeal was in large part due to the company it attracted. We found community through engaging in shared common drive to reach higher and dig deeper. Under legitimate circumstances (say, Graduate school) we would have been in very good company. The quality of my classmates, kept me hanging on far past the “help” expiration date — when “help” turns toxic. When cognitive dissonance started rearing up, I look at all the ivy-league graduates sharing my classroom and shove my questions away — after all, these are intelligent people who wouldn’t possibly join a cult!

We would learn about our fellow students’ “only life things” struggles only when they were “asking for help“, or doing what was known as “being work” – “school’s” confessional process. Personal history, emotions, thoughts, perceptions, ideas, weaknesses eventually become social weaponry, used to put them down, when necessary — the “Help” morphed into character assassination to wear down an already tenuous sense of self: soul murder – death by 1000 psychological cuts and bruises.  It would be inconvenient for “school’s” student body to be comprised of participants with healthy egos and strong senses of self. How do you convince such souls to “evolve” into guilty remnants — “school” cogs, scoffing at “only life things”, following “evolutionary” directives from “The Source” to “awaken” via recruiting new “school” cogs; cult propaganda replacing authentic voice and person hood-wiped away for the “greater cause” of Sharon’s retirement investments.

Such is the nature of ALL cults – they all practice some version of soul murder. When I look back I see myself believing that “school”  was “helping” while it ripped my psyche apart — I was in constant battle with myself. I couldn’t trust my perceptions, thoughts, “negative emotions” — thus I clung to “school’s” illustrious guidance. My “school” experiences only hurt and I remember feeling baffled: why does this hurt? “School” wouldn’t possibly want to hurt me! Like all cults, eventually up becomes down, black becomes white, hurt becomes “help”. Towards my tenure’s end, I may as well have been silent, draped in white garb and smoking cigarettes.

A commentator on this blog recently wrote that I sound like a person who had a Near Death Experience. I had to laugh. Having experienced “school’s” version of cultic soul murder, I now  protect those vulnerabilities fiercely. For our human vulnerabilities and imperfections are what bring beauty and meaning into our lives: emotional connections, passions, relationships. They distinguish individuals from each other. And cults take advantage of them. Now that I know how it feels to walk through life as an empty shell, I drink in my imperfect, but cult-free existence, with the intention of embracing all of those things that define my personhood and give my life meaning, squeezing out as much as possible from every minute and each breath.

Your inner voice is The Source, and your Inner Compass points to true north. Listen to yourself, follow yourself, for as author, Maurice Sendek, told Terry Gross in his last Fresh Air interview, Live your life, live your life, live your life! http://www.purpleclover.com/video/2700-we-can-watch-over-and-over-again-and-it-makes-us-cry-each-and-every-time/#.VpNDB08Q3fi.facebook

Please DON’T let cults like “school” hijack your life. For that dash between dates is yours to sculpt; not “school’s” to mold.

… authentically inspired. Thanks, YouTube.  Enjoy!