“Dangerous” Disgruntled(s)

Danger, Will Robinson, danger!

On occasion, someone will contact me through this blog. Usually, it’s an “unschooled” spouse, desperately searching for information about the mysterious group that is destroying their relationship. Most are baffled by the odd behavior, growing secrecy and coldness “evolving” from their partner. “School” very deliberately shuts them out – this is typical cultic us vs. them fare. They contact me because other resources are few and far between. I am more than happy to help when I can; sometimes I can’t.

In one such case, a woman asked her fiancé to read this blog; he did, but his response was to tell her that we online-critic “disgruntled(s)” are “dangerous”. Who knew that one day I would be “dangerous”? To be honest, this still makes me laugh. But sadly he threw away his potential marriage due to some cult-contrived fear. In another, more successful, emancipation, the escapee-to-be told me, “You’re contraband, you know.” Then we had a good laugh.

I was telling this story, to fellow “disgruntleds”, one of whom told me: dangerous is deliberately used to instill fear and pre-empt any inquiry. That’s because all humans are programmed to simply avoid danger.  And the cult preys on people who don’t really challenge anything unconventional or dangerous. I have to admit I am proud to be considered “dangerous contraband” by a nefarious cult. After all, “School” loved quoting Martin Luther King: Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

Be careful what you preach, “School”. After I left, I started unraveling your endless tangle of lies; I could no longer be silent. I started reading about high-demand groups and started to recognize that you are just one more, damaging, predatory cult. So I exercise my freedom of speech and speak out against such practices. I tell my story. If that makes me “dangerous contraband”, so be it.

Others see the online critique differently; the “un-schooled” spouses who asked me to help them all told me that the blog lifted the veil on this shady world, helping them to understand the cult perpetrated pressures influencing the men/women they loved. They could finally put the odd and hurtful behavior into context and understand the ripple effect. Additionally, a “disgruntled” recently told me this:

“When I was in the cult, the prevailing belief was that the bloggers behind ‘Esoteric Freedom’ and ‘Gentle Soul’ were evil, malicious, angry, and resentful.  Just bad people doing bad things. But when I escaped, I found these blogs to be healing, helpful, and compassionate.  In fact, the blogs helped confirm what I always felt about the cult.” 

As a firm believer in freedom of choice, I invite anyone reading this right now to decide yourself. Read the online info – break the rules and make your own assessment. You could simply take “School’s” word on blind faith; but then they have made the decision for you. I once had blind faith in that institution and that faith ended up hurting me. When I found faith in my own perceptions and ability to reason, I realized that I much prefer to be “dangerous”.

19 thoughts on ““Dangerous” Disgruntled(s)

  1. 007 says:

    After all that you went through at the hands of those that would humiliate you in front of your peers as a person who was weak and ineffective and in need of being growth, blah, blah, blah, it is, dare I say, miraculous that you have achieved such alpha dog notariety as a badass villian as to be labeled “DANGEROUS”. I only wish I was a fly on the wal to see them make that pitch to those who knew you then.
    The truth, of course is they did underestimate you and me and are wrong about so many things that no one should make ANY life decisions with their counsel.
    Congratulations, your “Search for the Miraculous” is now over, it was you the whole time.


    • “The truth, of course is they did underestimate you and me and are wrong about so many things that no one should make ANY life decisions with their counsel.”

      So true, 007, so true 🙂 They do tend to underestimate all “students”, because they need weak, insecure, people who will cow under the “school” spotlight.

      Thanks for making me laugh. I love this: alpha dog notariety as a badass villian

      Yea, dude! Happy Independence Day!

  2. Paul Revere says:

    The real question is “dangerous to who?” Of course we’re dangerous to the financial interests and spotless reputation of OSG. We are a real and present danger to them. We’re bad for business.

    I think it really comes down to identification. Good students don’t have a firm sense of their identities as separate individuals from the group. Instead their identities are closely aligned with “school”, “school aims”, and their teachers and friends. In that frame of mind, a good student will see any danger to “school” as a danger to themselves. It’s all part of that collective mindset that can be named “school thinking”

    A student that has started to truly wake up will begin to think and reevaluate school situations for themselves, from their own perspectives. Whatever us disgruntleds have to say is not a danger to any individual student at all, we’re merely offering other perspectives on the school experience.

    Cheers to those of us brave enough to have independent thoughts and feelings! Happy Independence day to all.

    • Hi Paul Revere —

      I was just re-reading your comment & I think this is brilliant:

      “I think it really comes down to identification. Good students don’t have a firm sense of their identities as separate individuals from the group. Instead their identities are closely aligned with “school”, “school aims”, and their teachers and friends. In that frame of mind, a good student will see any danger to “school” as a danger to themselves. It’s all part of that collective mindset that can be named ‘school thinking’ ”

      There is so much to this, it might also needs its own post. We see many groups using such tactics, including ISIS. Greg Jemsek’s book, Quiet Horizon, is subtitled Releasing Ideology and Embracing Self Knowledge. Isn’t it interesting that “School” & most cults, I would guess, claim to be all about self knowledge, when in truth it is propagating a specific and specifically self-serving ideology — i.e. “school thinking”. The ironies are endless … as “Dangerous Evil” says below, the group makes black, white and white, black. Every thing I “learned” in “School” turned out to be the opposite of truth. The opposite of truth … not so easy to articulate this mind-fuck, but I keep trying.

  3. Paul Revere: I love this ” … bad for business”. Oh, man that really needs a post, or a song, or something … the wheels are spinning!

    And, as usual, your comment is incisive and insightful.
    “School” squashes (or tries) the individuality out of every individual with the “magnetic center” and fortune (cough) to be sucked in — just like a good cult should. It can’t afford members who have confidence in their own perceptions. In fact, I remember Robert, sometimes saying that “confidence isn’t real.” I’m here to tell you that propaganda is total bullshit. It will get it’s own post at some point.

    Happy 4th!

  4. Dangerous Evil says:

    God bless you for this forum which allows the truth be told. Its very healing to people. Including this people. As with everything involving this cult, they are devious in making white black and black white. Hence evil people calling you evil is the height of hypocrisy. I can’t think of a single thing — not a one — that the cultists said which was true.

    • Thanks, Dangerous Evil (I really love this moniker!)

      I’m happy to hear that you find this forum helpful and healing. That is my intention! I also love this:
      ” … evil people calling you evil is the height of hypocrisy. I can’t think of a single thing — not a one — that the cultists said which was true.”

      I have really struggled to articulate the vast irony that is this institution of “higher consciousness” called “School”. It is the same irony practiced in all cults — this making white black and black white. Thanks for this vocabulary to describe that which cannot be explained; it may deserve its own post …

      • Dangerous Evil says:

        I recently felt very sorry for them, including the empress. In my estimation, she is a very disturbed person. I suspect she had an abusive childhood and suffered traumas which caused her clear case of narcissistic personality disorder, and possibly bi-polar condition (those drastic turn on a dime mood swings). She’s a sick woman and although she claims to have helped so many she has in fact hurt so many, and continues to. If this blog existed when I joined them in 1989, I wouldn’t have stayed a night. So it’s good you’re here now for anyone who does basic due diligence. Anyhow, she and Alex knew what they were doing when they formed this cult. Hence, the deliberateness – to me – warrants that they be stopped and make restitution to all the victims.

  5. Hi Dangerous Evil! So you were in for a long time, yes? You sound like you’ve made a very quick turn around! That’s great! And yes … this odd world appears to be based around and enabling the fantasies of one very sick woman. When I think about the Boston “teachers”, I feel badly for most of them. They are caught in a web of deceit and they believe they are “evolving” and “helping” people. One thing I can say, given that I got sucked in for five years: I do understand what mind control is now, so I see how they could be clinging to what they are told. I really like Josh; he was always decent and kind to me. I don’t think he intends to hurt people and if he stays in, he will. It’s the nature of the beast. Jeanine appears sad and down trodden to me. I had a good relationship with Paul and I don’t really get his loyalty to this group. Carol was my main “teacher” for a time and I had too many bad experiences with her to be forgiving; but I think she really believes she’s “helping”. Tai Chi Michael, well that’s a different story. Sometimes I really wondered if he was getting a charge out of humiliating someone and a few times I felt him pointing that charger at me –I lost respect for him and that was at a time when I was still in my cult coma, so I would venture to guess that the energy I was getting from him was pretty toxic.

    But neither of us are still in cult comas.

    D.E., Congratulations on reclaiming your life and Happy Independence Day!!! Welcome back!


    • Dangerous Evil says:

      Thank you GSR – very sweet of you. The cult is of course like the Nazi mania that swept Germany. Or the KKK or any other hate groups which promise hope and are joined together by common hatred of some identifiable group (their third force so to speak – LOL). This Group hates blacks, gays, and is suspicious of everyone. All this hatred comes from fear and ignorance. Anyway, there are stories that among the Nazis there were some decent folks who in secret showed some speck of humanity. And then there were some particularly sadistic, venal devils who went out of there way to torture. So its not unlike the range of the leaders of this cult.

  6. Willy Wonka says:

    It was, after all, our recently departed Fred, that used to say so often: “Things are not what they seem. They are actually the opposite of what they appear to be.”

    Truer words were never spoken in relationship to Sharon Gans. It was a very topsy-turvy world. And I believed it for so long…

    That they had knowledge and I did not. They were strong and wise and I was not. They were special and enlightened and I was not. They had power and control and I did not. They knew what was best for me and I did not. They were always right and I was always wrong. They thought the glass was half full and I thought it was half empty. I was paranoid and they were not.

    I will never give up my power like that again. It is still a struggle after a dozen years to believe in myself and in my own small voice crying in the wilderness.

    I still feel angry and vindictive most of the time for all of the years of my life that were “lost” but I wish to forgive (not forget).

  7. Hi Willy Wonka,
    Thanks for commenting!

    I can not venture to guess what it means to truly forgive. It must be the ultimate freedom; but I don’t know how sincere, life-changing forgiveness comes. I do know that writing my story and sharing it here, has helped me let go of quite a lot of anger. Breaking isolation by connecting with fellow disgruntled(s) and coming through the other side — really understanding what inside of me was seeking — has helped me in some ways.

    On the other hand, I think of this vast manipulation, the initial seduction when I first met Lisa and attended classes where I was treated as though I were special and wonderful (a superior person with “magnetic center”) and how at the end I was so fucking depressed. And realizing that was because this group, led by “teachers”, mostly Carol, were painting me into this “person who was weak and ineffective and in need of being growth, blah, blah, blah”, as 007 said above, and guess what, I’m fucking pissed, again.

    The best I can do, right now, is to practice living well, as I’ve heard that living well is the best revenge. And speak out as much as possible against cults, in general, by telling my story. Healing through story telling and various other types of creativity …

    The Greg Jemsek essay I posted about today, weaves forgiveness into his thesis. This is a quote from his article – out of context for the sake of brevity, but I think what he says about forgiveness here — citing the example of family members of those murdered in Charleston forgiving shooter Dylan Roof — is worth chewing on in it’s own right:

    “Imagination (as opposed to blind faith) …. requires us to do things very differently. It requires us to suspend judgment and hold ourselves in a state of uncertainty. It requires us to tolerate opposing ideas in our awareness simultaneously and risk being thought foolish. It requires us to genuinely take in, as best we can, other people with our awareness.

    This last capacity is what made the forgiveness shown by relatives of the murdered victims to Dylan Roof transcendent – an expression of something many would consider one of the finest human qualities we are capable of expressing towards one another.

    It is well documented that the expression of forgiveness can help people in their own healing process.”

    As I do, I’ve gone on too long. If you figure out this forgiveness thing, perhaps you can share. In the meantime, you’re out and free. And you can drink in & celebrate each coming “school”-free day!

    • Dangerous Evil says:

      I would like to add to this excellent string on forgiveness. This is my opinion only and Im happy to debate the point.

      Forgiveness is so unusual in our rancorous, screechy society. That’s partially why the Charleston victim’s family’s actions were so powerful. Gandhi and Buddha certainly advocated about the power of forgiveness. Christ made it a maxim. I recommend the films (on Amazon Prime and Netflix) – The Power of Forgiveness and also Forgiving Dr. Mengele. The latter about a victim who forgive her torturer. Incredible stories and well-made films.

      If someone is inclined to forgive, I think they have to do it when they feel ready. It can’t be forced. But make no mistake – forgiveness is about giving to oneself, not to the other person. Its about letting go of the pain of anger. Its about not letting oneself to continue to be victimized by what the other person has done. As Willy aptly said, its not about forgetting. And it doesn’t mean that justice isn’t done — justice should and can be done if its something against the law. But its a great gift to oneself to forgive. I also think its an inspiration to others to forgive and an inspiration to our children and the next generation. Even the hardest hearts are softened by love, forgiveness, and compassion. And look what forgiveness has done in Charleston – the first recent tragic murder of African Americans which didn’t result in violence and recrimination, but in a consensus — across many lines — that something is terribly wrong in this country, that racism is still a life and death issue, and that the confederate flag has no place anymore.

      The inspiration of Charleston and the death of Fred, and to end my own suffering and pain – and the toll it takes on me — has brought me to the decision to forgive Fred. I also forgive Sharon and some of the others. These people did great harm to me. They also harmed many many other people, some very seriously and irreparably. And they delibarately did it for their own profit and to satisfy their sadism. Therefore, justice should be done and they are not absolved by my forgiveness. And my forgiveness is only from me and not on behalf of anyone else. But I forgive them and I also forgive myself for getting mixed up with them and staying there longer than one night. Its also in God’s hands who will have mercy on their souls.

  8. To Dangerous Evil –

    This is an excellent string. Thanks for your thoughts on forgiveness. As one who is struggling with forgiveness, I believe this is a very good place to start:
    “I also forgive myself for getting mixed up with them and staying there longer than one night.”

    I need to understand the inner mechanisms that led me into this group … made it attractive … caused me to ignore the vast array of screaming sirens and flashing lights (step away from the cult ma’am) and forgive those things in myself. Again, for me, writing is a very good tool for coming to such understanding and forgiveness. But it has been a long process and it continues — even after being out for almost five years, even after all the writing and conversations with other “disgruntled(s), I recognize certain psychological tendencies that are reminiscent the cult coma. The damage is insidious and deep and I have to do a lot of inner monitoring to make sure I’m not regressing. I find that difficult to forgive.

    At the same time, certain family dynamics are coming clear to me and recognizing and understanding those, affords me compassion for the woman who, in 2006, simply put her hopes, trust and dreams in the wrong hands, con men and women. And compassion can lead to forgiveness for myself, I hope it also extends to those con men and women; after all the poem below, written for them, poured out me at some point. They’ve really fucked their own lives more than I ever could with my dark, seething soot of anger.

    A Poem for My “Teachers”

    Out of the empty into the void
    you ingested
    Irony upon irony
    Deception upon deception

    Out of the empty into the void
    you served
    Irony upon irony
    Deception upon deception

    When the curtain falls
    Ashes to ashes
    Dust to dust
    Potential disappears on the wind
    Forever gone
    Your legacy: irony, deception, lives stolen
    Long remembered

    Those of us who are having this conversation about forgiveness — we still have a chance to make our lives meaningful. The longer you stay in “school”, the higher up you are on the ladder, the more your life is filled with smoke and mirrors, and cruelty justified by the cult coma and the harder you have to work to maintain appearances … well, as Robert is so fond of pointing out, that dash between dates on their headstones will pretty much be filled by irony, deception, stolen lives.

    One more thought: I don’t believe in forgetting. It’s dangerous to forget the deeds. Those deeds taught me quite a bit about myself; about human nature. I don’t intend to forget. I intend to include blasting those lessons out to the world as far and wide as I possibly can.

  9. I forgot to say, this is an excellent point about forgiveness:

    “And look what forgiveness has done in Charleston – the first recent tragic murder of African Americans which didn’t result in violence and recrimination, but in a consensus — across many lines — that something is terribly wrong in this country, that racism is still a life and death issue, and that the confederate flag has no place anymore.”

  10. BestFootForward says:

    Black Magic, secret police, being verbally, mentally, Emotionally Abused and bearing the psychic and physical consequences f that abuse….ha, and we actually Paid them to do that to us!
    The ultimate insult, the final spit in our face. Oh Lord Forgive my sins….
    Sigh, deep sigh, deep breath, move on, move forward, breathe…..

  11. Best Foot Forward – Yes, we did pay them. We. You aren’t alone and many, many people struggle after leaving the fold — looking back, trying to understand this bizarre experience, all were damaged to greater or lesser degrees, depending on how long the tenure and how close to the “inner circle”. You aren’t alone. Breathe in; breathe out. Put one foot in front of the other. Feel free to contact me if you feel the need: GSR@cultfconfessions.com. Let me know if you send an email via comments, so I know to check for it.

  12. Cassandra says:

    This I have learned – most of life’s lessons suck. By which I mean they are painful, unpleasant and usually expensive. Many people go through experiences and learn nothing. Others learn something – about themselves, the nature of people, the quixotic nature of life, its meaning, or perhaps, meaninglessness. The lesson might come from a mistaken marriage, an unsuccessful job, an accident such as (dear lord more commonly) a shooting, or perhaps even a smile from someone unexpected. Many of my lessons came from the decade I spent in this cult and the decade I’ve spent moving my life away from it. I had incredible experiences in the cult, did things I never would have done if I hadn’t been in it. I paid out the wazoo. I was also abused emotionally and physically, and later much disillusioned when I discovered who these people really were and what was going on behind the scenes. But I still learned, and I appreciate those students who had genuine heart and who really cared and tried to help me. Upon leaving I found out that many of those people were not super-human and that they did not actually live by the principles I thought they did, nor did they try to. They were petty, selfish, narrow, and mean, as well as interesting and accomplished. In a word – human. Some of them hurt me badly and after years, I have learned more lessons which now help me support a better, more stable person and a happy and giving life.

    To Best Foot Forward and others, you will heal and resolve your feelings and experience, it does take time. If you resolve to shove all of this in the dark closet of your soul, that’s fine. Many do and go on and live happy lives. If you are an examiner and choose that painful but ultimately rewarding (but not more rewarding) path, you will also come out on the other side better and happier – different strokes.

    There is a feeling of grief, loss and betrayal to those of us who see the empress nekked (sorry – I know, you were eating). But life is rich and full and there are many other people and experiences to replace this false temple. If spirituality is your bag, find a place where they don’t want your money or demand your time. If community is what your seek, many communities exist and one will fit your interests. Life is a banquet and for me, the cult had me starving pretty nearly to death (with apologies to Mame). when you realize that no matter what “incredible” experiences you had in there, something inside you wasn’t lying and convinced you to take a step outside, you can begin to see that they didn’t provide those experiences, you and your friends did and life is full of them – without being sleep deprived or yelled at!

  13. Amen, Cassandra 🙂 Thanks for the comment, especially for pointing out that you can have a meaningful life without being sleep deprived, yelled at, lied to, instructed to lie, giving away time, energy and money to those who’ve been “doing the work longer”, i.e. those who’ve been sleep deprived, yelled at, lied to, & giving away time, energy & money longer than you and are, thus, more indoctrinated.

    Maybe the price of freedom is having to live through some kind of life-altering experience. Maybe not. I only know that when I left “school”, I freed myself from all kinds of inner and outer prisons, though. It’s funny how my “only-life things” have become so sweet since I stopped allowing a certain institution to micromanage them.

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