Dear “School”… oops, “The Study” … Monitor

Hi “The Study” Monitor:

I hope that you are enjoying your assigned reading. Now you’ve been identified, I decided to say hello. We always got along well, so it’s too bad I’m now persona non grata, aka “disgruntled ex-student“, isn’t it? But all “school” defectors are, aren’t they? There’s no legitimate or forgivable way to depart “the invisible world” … and then to publish a blog … heresy, sedition, yes?

I hear that “School” now calls itself “The Study”. Why the name change? Does the online exposure interfere with recruitment? Is it bad for business? Does the vocabulary, this superficial spin, outweigh the nagging cognitive dissonance? Do you ever feel conflicted about “school”, oops, I mean: “the study”?

How do you feel about clever insincerity? Do you ever question “demands”? I remember the constant internal tug of war between “the study’s” requirements — growing deceit — and its presentation — “school of truth and higher consciousness”. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? I don’t miss it.

You were always kind to me. I am guessing that you are a well-intended soul caught in a web of delusion. Yep, “the study” sucked us all into that web. I wonder what you think and experience inside, as you read this blog? Do you ever wish you were doing anything else besides reading this? What would you do instead? Do you ever blow off the demands? Or want to? Do you ever spontaneously go to the beach without consulting Bob, and then just say you read the evil blog?

Perhaps you’ll never see this missive. After I left, I learned that many “students” lie about their recruitment efforts, a.k.a third line of work. God knows, we all hated it.

What are you looking for here? Is your lawyer on retainer, waiting to file?

Recently, I remembered a conversation we had when you were co-leading the “work & money group”. I was failing at another “school”-sponsored job search; “The Study’s” employment policy (as long as you are working, any job will do; women –of course– should clean houses) wasn’t bearing fruit. One day, when soliciting my housecleaning services (ha!) door-to-door in Lynnfield, a police cruiser pulled up to inform me that I needed a permit.

Discouraged, I called you — well, what I mean is I called the voice mail you kept for such purposes; you called me back on my phone. (cultic social engineering 101: the “more enlightened” must control ALL engagement! ) No matter, though, you called me back soon after. I told you about my police encounter and you said, “That’s ridiculous!”

Of course it was ridiculous; more ridiculous, though, was that I let a cult micromanage me into a constant, desperate, relentless and needlessly urgent search for any job! With “school’s” “help”, I tripped and bumbled into a pit of depression and a slew of low-paying menial work. The vicious circle of “school”-sponsored failure gnawed away from the inside out – the worse I felt inside, the worse I performed outside and the more menial and low-paying the jobs became.

Now I know that cults operate this way; this story was predictable — I asked for “help” and “failed”. I “wasn’t trying hard enough”. Many students echo this loaded language down the hallowed halls. Have you noticed? Eventually Carol pronounced: “Maybe you’ll never be able to hold down a job” and soon after established my “chief weakness” and cult identity to the “class”: entitled & unemployable Princess (read Jewish-American).

After leaving and deciding the “as long as you are working, any job will do” policy was crap; I found a job, I did it well, and then a second job and then a third job, etc. etc. etc — no more work/money problems. Are you happy for me, or does it disappoint you? “School’s”, oops, “The Study’s” “help” didn’t — in fact, it hurt. As my Grandma used to say: with (essence) friends like that, who needs enemies? (Don’t worry, she didn’t actually use the secret phrase, essence friends.)

Does “The Study” damage you? I think it damages everyone. One person benefits from “School”. Everyone else pays — they owe, they owe, so off to “school”, oops, “the study”, they go. The one-size-fits-all “help” flattens “students” into cult cogs; each will play particular roles. Those whom “school” deigns losers are damaged more quickly; but we leave and therefore have a chance to reclaim our lives.

So I’m grateful that “school” shoved me into the “losers” category. I left. As opposed to “dying in the street like a dog” — ala the mysteriously-never-mentioned-within-the-hallowed-halls Alex Horn — each “school”-free day feels like a gift. You really ought to try this “de-evolution”!

But I understand that your exit would be far more complicated than mine.

Do you ever consider leaving, though? Who were you before “school”? What were your dreams? Do you remember? What led you into this group? Have you evolved into the “real man” you wished to become? Do you believe you owe “school” everything, up until your last breath? What keeps you entangled?

As I said, you were always kind to me. I hope you can free yourself before your epitaph — your legacy– is a life spent in service to a bizarre fallacy.

Yes, I’m angry — all the deception, all the manipulation, the parasite funnels ideals, hopes, energy, time, money and dreams into a cult-propagated delusion. I have heard it said … somewhere … never fear wrath at that which is odious. So I don’t. Send my regards to Bob; Sharon, too.

And remember freedom is a good thing.

GSR

“Dangerous” Disgruntled(s)

Danger, Will Robinson, danger!

On occasion, someone will contact me through this blog. Usually, it’s an “unschooled” spouse, desperately searching for information about the mysterious group that is destroying their relationship. Most are baffled by the odd behavior, growing secrecy and coldness “evolving” from their partner. “School” very deliberately shuts them out – this is typical cultic us vs. them fare. They contact me because other resources are few and far between. I am more than happy to help when I can; sometimes I can’t.

In one such case, a woman asked her fiancé to read this blog; he did, but his response was to tell her that we online-critic “disgruntled(s)” are “dangerous”. Who knew that one day I would be “dangerous”? To be honest, this still makes me laugh. But sadly he threw away his potential marriage due to some cult-contrived fear. In another, more successful, emancipation, the escapee-to-be told me, “You’re contraband, you know.” Then we had a good laugh.

I was telling this story, to fellow “disgruntleds”, one of whom told me: dangerous is deliberately used to instill fear and pre-empt any inquiry. That’s because all humans are programmed to simply avoid danger.  And the cult preys on people who don’t really challenge anything unconventional or dangerous. I have to admit I am proud to be considered “dangerous contraband” by a nefarious cult. After all, “School” loved quoting Martin Luther King: Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

Be careful what you preach, “School”. After I left, I started unraveling your endless tangle of lies; I could no longer be silent. I started reading about high-demand groups and started to recognize that you are just one more, damaging, predatory cult. So I exercise my freedom of speech and speak out against such practices. I tell my story. If that makes me “dangerous contraband”, so be it.

Others see the online critique differently; the “un-schooled” spouses who asked me to help them all told me that the blog lifted the veil on this shady world, helping them to understand the cult perpetrated pressures influencing the men/women they loved. They could finally put the odd and hurtful behavior into context and understand the ripple effect. Additionally, a “disgruntled” recently told me this:

“When I was in the cult, the prevailing belief was that the bloggers behind ‘Esoteric Freedom’ and ‘Gentle Soul’ were evil, malicious, angry, and resentful.  Just bad people doing bad things. But when I escaped, I found these blogs to be healing, helpful, and compassionate.  In fact, the blogs helped confirm what I always felt about the cult.” 

As a firm believer in freedom of choice, I invite anyone reading this right now to decide yourself. Read the online info – break the rules and make your own assessment. You could simply take “School’s” word on blind faith; but then they have made the decision for you. I once had blind faith in that institution and that faith ended up hurting me. When I found faith in my own perceptions and ability to reason, I realized that I much prefer to be “dangerous”.

Dear “School”… oops, “The Study” … Monitor

Hi “The Study” Monitor: I hope that you are enjoying your assigned reading. Now you’ve been identified, I decided to say hello. We always got along well, so it’s too bad I’m now persona non grata, aka “disgruntled ex-student“, isn’t it? But all “school” defectors are, aren’t they? There’s no legitimate or forgivable way to depart “the invisible world” … and then to publish a blog … heresy, sedition, yes?

I hear that “School” now calls itself “The Study”. Why the name change? Does the online exposure interfere with recruitment? Is it bad for business? Does the vocabulary, this superficial spin, outweigh the nagging cognitive dissonance? Do you ever feel conflicted about “school”, oops, I mean: “the study”?

How do you feel about clever insincerity? Do you ever question “demands”? I remember the constant internal tug of war between “the study’s” requirements — growing deceit — and its presentation — “school of truth and higher consciousness”. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? I don’t miss it.

You were always kind to me. I am guessing that you are a well-intended soul caught in a web of delusion? Yep, “the study” sucked us all into that web. I wonder what you think and experience inside, as you read this blog?  Do you ever wish you were doing anything else besides reading this? What would you do instead? Do you ever blow off the demands? Or want to? Do you ever spontaneously go to the beach without consulting Bob, and then just say you read the evil blog?

Perhaps you’ll never see this missive. After I left, I learned that many “students” lie about their recruitment efforts, a.k.a third line of work. God knows, we all hated it.

What are you looking for here? Is your lawyer on retainer, waiting to file?

Recently, I remembered a conversation we had when you were co-leading the “work & money group”. I was failing at another “school”-sponsored job search; “The Study’s” employment policy  (as long as you are working, any job will do; women –of course– should clean houses) wasn’t bearing fruit. One day, when soliciting my housecleaning services (ha!) door-to-door in Lynnfield, a police cruiser pulled up to inform me that I needed a permit.

Discouraged, I called you — well, what I mean is I called the voice mail you kept for such purposes; you called me back on my phone. (cultic social engineering 101: the “more enlightened” must control ALL engagement! ) No matter, though, you called me back soon after. I told you about my police encounter and you said, “That’s ridiculous!”

Of course it was ridiculous; more ridiculous, though, was that I let a cult micromanage me into a constant, desperate, relentless and needlessly urgent search for any job! With “school’s” “help”, I tripped and bumbled into a pit of depression and a slew of low-paying menial work. The vicious circle of “school”-sponsored failure gnawed away from the inside out – the worse I felt inside, the worse I performed outside and the more menial and low-paying the jobs became.

Now I know that cults operate this way; this story was predictable — I ask for “help” and “failed”. I “wasn’t trying hard enough”. Many students echo this loaded language down the hallowed halls. Have you noticed? Eventually Carol pronounced: “Maybe you’ll never be able to hold down a job” and soon after established my “chief weakness” and cult identity to the “class”: entitled & unemployable Princess (read Jewish-American).

After leaving and deciding the “as long as you are working, any job will do” policy was crap; I found a job, I did it well, and then a second job and then a third job, etc. etc. etc — no more work/money problems. Are you happy for me, or does it disappoint you? “School’s”, oops, “The Study’s” “help” didn’t — in fact, it hurt. As my Grandma used to say: with (essence) friends like that, who needs enemies? (Don’t worry, she didn’t actually use the secret phrase, essence friends.)

Does “The Study” damage you? I think it damages everyone. One person benefits from “School”. Everyone else pays — they owe, they owe, so off to “school”, oops, “the study”, they go. The one-size-fits-all “help” flattens “students” into cult cogs; each will play particular roles. Those whom “school” deigns losers are damaged more quickly; but we leave and therefore have a chance to reclaim our lives.

So I’m grateful that “school” shoved me into the “losers” category. I left. As opposed to “dying in the street like a dog” — ala the mysteriously-never-mentioned-within-the-hallowed-halls Alex Horn — each “school”-free day feels like a gift. You really ought to try this “de-evolution”!

But I understand that your exit would be far more complicated than mine.

Do you ever consider leaving, though? Who were you before “school”? What were your dreams? Do you remember? What led you into this group? Have you evolved into the “real man” you wished to become? Do you believe you owe “school” everything, up until your last breath?  What keeps you entangled?

As I said, you were always kind to me. I hope you can free yourself before your epitaph — your legacy– is a life spent in service to a bizarre fallacy.

Yes, I’m angry — all the deception, all the manipulation, the parasite funnels ideals, hopes, energy, time, money and dreams into a cult-propagated delusion. I have heard it said … somewhere … never fear wrath at that which is odious. So I don’t. Send my regards to Bob; Sharon, too.

And remember freedom is a good thing.

GSR

More resources …

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been neglecting cult confessions lately for a related project, but of course, I can’t get away for long. When it comes to cults there are endless topics to explore and I will be back to posting soon.

In the meantime, I wanted to point out a couple of things:

1) A lot of people were upset when the Esoteric Freedom blog disappeared. You will find some of the material from that blog, and more, on the following site: The Truth About Sharon Gans

2) If you’re a “student” who is presently “breaking the rules” because you’re wondering, questioning, whether this group you’ve joined is truly an “esoteric mystery school”, or a cult, you might recognize the people in a photo posted here: http://www.sharonganscult.com/

Thanks for reading and I’ll be back to posting soon!

“School” Vignettes Circa 1980

Recently a former student, circa mid eighties, shared some anecdotes from his “school days”. These vignettes so beautifully illustrate “school’s” cultish ridiculousness … well, what can I say … read and laugh; read and see the true nature of this “evolved school of consciousness”. Read and consider whether his experiences ring true to you. For as Robert is so fond of saying, “you’ve all had your own experiences of ‘school.’”

The next 3 posts are a series of vignettes and conclusions from “Secret”  “School” Circa 1980:

The-Gang-That-Couldn’t-Shoot-Straight

… most of what I remember about school was its certain Gang-That-Couldn’t-Shoot-Straight atmosphere. From the fact that no one had explained the rules to me in the beginning and I ended up tripping my ass off for the first class with Sharon on to so many other things big and small.

At the time I was there the two older teacher/students under Bob were Geoff and Lou. I came to class one night and Geoff was livid at me: “Where’s Bob? You were supposed to pick up BOB!!!!” Well, that would have required someone telling me in advance that A) I needed to pick up Bob, and B) where Bob lived.

There was a time when the younger class was given an assignment that directly contradicted another assignment. The men did whatever-number-line-of-work by playing basketball every Sunday at 6AM at the Arlington Boys and Girls Club. The school basketball method was a certain Bob-Cousey-dribble-low-make-yourself-small fairly unorthodox and perhapsnotwickedsmart basketball style. I actually enjoyed these male/bondage mornings; but on one occasion the guys who used the gym after us asked if we wanted to play a game. Wez got creamed.

No drugs? Oops …
When I was first recruited my two sustainers(?) didn’t do the best job explaining the rules. In particular, they left out the no drugs part. And when I first began, there was also no rule that you had to be in school for a certain time before attending a class with Sharon or Alex (that later changed).

So during my first month, or so, we were to have a class with Sharon, and for that I took about a half a hit of LSD and walked to class from my house nearby. OK, maybe not the smartest idea, but it was my way of “preparing” to meet the woman whom Robert et all had been talking about in holier-than-thou terms.

Tripping does not good articulation make, so I said nothing until near the end of class when Robert asked me if there was anything I wanted to ask Sharon. I mumbled something about homosexuality (duh), and Sharon responded that male homosexuality “was really about having contempt for women.”

Why I didn’t immediately run a thousand miles from her and this group has been with me for some time. I knew this was false for me, in my life, having so many wonderful woman friends, my great mom, and sister, boss, etc… I saw Sharon then as a bull shitter and a false prophet, if you will … but I stuck around for too long.

When sexuality is deemed “chief weakness”…
I certainly came out to the wrong group. I was in a bad place at the time, new to town, “new” to be ready to announce my sexuality, very unsure of myself, afraid, and unfortunately full of a lot of self-doubt and low self-esteem. I, unfortunately for me, let it be known that I wasn’t happy to be gay.

… my curiosity about being involved in a group such as this, led by a charismatic leader, exploring the universe of thought, trumped any misgivings I had — sort of like being asked onto a spaceship and be away! when where you are, at the time, isn’t so great. My sustainer — of course — went and told all to Robert and the older students; so right off my sexuality became my tour-de-force, my “weakness?” —  although never spelled out that way. Besides singing on a bus, or whatever shocks we were instructed to take on at the time, Robert’s plan for me was a little experiment in which I was to rent a hotel room and hire a prostitute. Twice.

… off I went to the Long Wharf Marriott — let’s just say Experiment #1 didn’t “take”; utter embarrassing disaster. And when, a few nights later, Door Number Two opened, I was greeted with, “Hey … don’t I know you? Don’t you work at ______ restaurant owned by the guy who owns the place I work at?” Yikes.

The “Secret” East Somerville “School”

The “Secret” East Somerville “School”

My new millennium “school” days didn’t require me to sing on a bus; or transport a dead fly to a restaurant, slip it into my soup, then pitch a fit about the “deadflyinmysoup, howdiditgetthere???”; or pretend to fall down, call an ambulance, then run away, once transported to the E.R. (yes, I’ve heard these “experiments” reiterated from several different “disgruntled ex-students”, in many separate conversations). But they did flirt with such ridiculousness — case in point: go solicit a free tree from a local merchant for “school’s” Christmas party ($350/month times how many students?) so “school” doesn’t have to spend $30.

Of course, you have all had your own experiences, thus can draw your own conclusions as to whether these anecdotes, circa 1980s, resonate with your experiences:

The Paddock:
The silliest “school” screw-ups related to the secrecy issue itself. At the time we had moved into the Somerville location, next to The Paddock Restaurant; it was a huge space that the older students had put an enormous amount of energy (and sleep deprived daysdyasdays) fixing up. It had huge windows looking out onto some apartments across the parking lot.

In the beginning, the younger class would descend on The Paddock, our newly-instructed-to-be-covered Gurdjieff books in hand. But, as we stood out like sore thumbs in this neighborhood bar, it became off limits.

On many occasions we remembered, but on many did not, to close the curtains for body work — so here we were, this “secret” “school”, whirling and spinning away-till-ya’-puked in front of the neighbors, eye-level hanging out smoking butts thinking… what exactly? Then, of course, add a few, to many New England Retail Express Mercedes trucks parked in a residential neighborhood, and I don’t think there were many East Somerville locals who didn’t think something was up with this group.

GeoffisGoingtoKillMe:
Near the end of my stay, Sharon and Alex had come up for a “class” to kick out Lou and Geoff, in a spectacular kind of pre-orchestrated bullshit session. Geoff’s wife stayed in “school” and shortly after Sharon and Alex kicked Geoff out, at the end of one “class”, she came to me in a panic that she had locked her keys in her car.

“Geoff is going to kill me”, she said. Continuously. “GeoffisgoingtoKILLME.”

I was a car guy. I ran a parking lot. I had a tool to open car doors; but it wasn’t easy. We went over the options: leave the car overnight, get a ride from so and so, get the car towed, (call triple A?). But all ended in “Geoffisgoingtokill me”. So outside we went, and I — with my buglar-ious tool — working on a Volvo wagon, when what doth mine eyes see, but a Somerville Police cruiser pulling up along side.

I am a good bull shitter: just having a slice at the Paddock, happen to have this tool legally, about to call my friend Anthony C at _____towing company — a Somerville-semi-wannabe-mafia-run tow shop; dropped some names, and all is going well, until… here comes M, walking up to me after “class” looking to pay me money back from so and so. This person comes over and the cop says, “Do you belong to that weird group who meet upstairs?” Oh no, not me; just getting a slice, etc. and off they go.

But damage done; at the next “class” my head was on the plate and what Dave Archer called part family, part lynch mob, had me in their sights for “flagging down a cop”, for endangering “school”, for breaking secrecy (wait, what secrecy? what about the neighbors watching us flail about, the trucks, the pizza place, the whatever. What about protecting Geoff’s wife?) But I was done.

Suspenders and Yoga Mudra:
I did have that fear of leaving that has so often been described — that life outside “school” meant you’d be living and dying like a dog — that the spiral where you were either going up or down would be heading down for me. I was surprised and shocked to have continuing visits from older students at my workplace encouraging me to come back and “leave properly”. But I knew what those sessions were like.

The older group had recently come back from a retreat and all the men had strangely abandoned belts and all were wearing suspenders. And I noticed that a few of the older students were continuing to do this thing with their hands… like a Hindu statue… the mudra….holding their thumb and forefinger together when talking…..but yeah, you’re my age and you move furniture all day. So, yeah, cult. Hello.

No regrets; no pain no gain. I am fine and have done well and perhaps I am more of a cat person than the dog they envision that dares leaves “school”.

Circa 1980s Conclusions; New Millennium Response

Circa 1980s Conclusions/New Millennium Responses:

I love to compare and contrast conclusions with fellow former students. Most of the time, the stories and conclusions corroborate and ultimately, most agree that there’s no “evolution” spinning upward from the hallowed halls.  Occasionally, someone will challenge the perception of “school” as nefarious con job and most of the students with whom I’ve spoken consider all the shades of grey between “evolved and enlightened school” and high-demand deceptive cult. The following excerpts compare and contrast the 20th “school” conclusions with those of the new millennium:

20th Century: Most surprising to me is how “school” continues in one form or another for so long? I can’t, honestly, imagine any individual new to the school obeying a directive NOT to use the web to research and discover some of the truths revealed here and elsewhere, and still get sucked in. But I certainly had a dozen or more red flags from day one and continued on … so… not to judge.

New Millennium: I certainly followed the “do not search for ‘school’” on the Internet rule like a good little cog, even after I’d left for a time. It didn’t take very long for me to start filling in the missing pieces and seeing a more complete picture of “school” then the one presented by my “teachers”, and still I obeyed until I thought I would lose my mind from the weird isolated state in which I was living — re-experiencing scenarios from this secret world that had devoured so much of my life and realizing the demands, the “lines of work”, the claim of “being the source” … all lies. I think this speaks to the human need some of us have to be part of something meaningful. The more time, energy, and money invested, the more stronger the need to believe. Emotions trump critical thinking.

20th Century: … I realized pretty quickly after leaving, how programmed I had become, and how we all were victimized by a school structure which seemed to demand that to rise up (or be enlightened, awake, whatever), you had to step on someone else and push them down. So I think it quite positive and healing that — from what I’ve read so far — there is a realization that even those in the group who may have been higher ups, and complicit in running this school and sustaining it for so long, were also its victims and perhaps even more so.

New Millennium: most ex-students I’ve spoken with grapple with this question – do these “teachers” really believe they are evolving and “helping” their “students and the world? Most of them conclude that “teachers” and “older students” sincerely believe in the institution. Why else would all of these intelligent people allow the group to hijack their lives? When I say intelligent people, I mean ivy-league graduates and professors – “school’s” clientele is certainly part of its appeal.

I’ve concluded that intellect is a very different animal than emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is easily derailed when one lacks confidence, is feeling vulnerable, is seeking purpose, or guidance, or all of the above – that was certainly the case for me when I encountered “school”.

Most of the former students I’ve spoken with are simply grateful to be free from “school”, free to reclaim every aspect of their beings and most extend compassion for those still in “school”, often especially the “teachers” and inner circle, whose lives are so intricately linked to “school” (marriages, jobs, businesses, finances) that leaving becomes less and less viable.

20th Century: I don’t have any regrets regarding coming to “school”, as it absolutely was an experience that brought me some quick growth. Then it started to rot and got quite weird as more and more the reality of what was going on at the top and core became revealed. … I have long since given up trying to explain to family or friends that yes, I was in a cult. So just as school had instructed not to “leak”, that trying to explain school ideas to others was counterproductive and … well just not too possible, I’ve kept these experiences to myself all these years.

New Millennium: I also don’t regret my “school” days, although, I wished I’d uncovered the rot in two years, rather than five. Of course, I believe two years is “school’s” new millennium prescribed honeymoon period. Ironically, finding and leaving “school” is exactly what I needed to uncover my raison d’être.

As far as telling others, I find I am very blessed. My family, my friends, even my co-workers and boss have been very supportive. But I do find that — in general — most people scatter at the subject of cults. That’s why I feel so compelled to share, to educate, and to help others heal and speak out. As a society, this blight needs to be shared. As a civilization, we need to understand the emotional needs and social constructs that enable destructive groups to exist. It’s really the only way to combat the phenomenon.

A New Resource: sharonganscult.com

This site has come to my attention lately — http://www.sharonganscult.com/

It changes often, but today’s iteration encourages current “students” to leave the ranks. It provides an email address for those who want to reach out and addresses the following “school”-bound fears and obstacles:

1) Losing friends

2) Losing marriage or relationship with another “student”

3) Working for a “school”-based business

4) Losing “the work”

It suggests taking a 3-week experimental hiatus from all things “school”.

When I think back, the only thing that kept me from taking a break was my belief in the institution and the control I gave it — I felt like I had to ask permission. I knew the answer would be no. I bought into some idea about “not letting the work go cold for more than 48 hours”, or something like that. I felt “school” lording over me, as if monitoring me from above, documenting all of my sinful and “coarse” thoughts and feelings. I am amazed at the amount of control I gave this thing over my time and life.

Yep. If you’re thinking about a break, take it. I believe you will soon discover that “school” isn’t God, can’t control your life and you might even get some perspective on the experience and start to feel the freedom that comes when not participating in its bi-weekly indoctrination rituals.

It’s a sweet freedom. It’s your life. I encourage you to reclaim it.