Through my bizarre journey into, through and out of a cult, I have concluded that our psyches are fragile. Most humans need soul food consisting of meaning and purpose; we need to feel effectual and we need connection to others. When we don’t have these ingredients, we feel incomplete; we seek them out and that search makes us vulnerable.

Isolation is one of the key components to cult indoctrination and ongoing tenure. I believe we are wired to connect. We need to laugh, cry, fight, make up, discuss, struggle and play together. A successful cult separates its cult-ees from the un-anointed as much as possible, while nurturing social dependence on the group.

Recently some of us were reconnecting via email and discussing the special “school”-sponsored brand of isolation. It categorizes humans into those who are in “school”, i.e. “doing the work” or not in “school”, i.e. “asleep”. It then imposes a double standard of scrupulous honesty within the hallowed halls, while employing “clever insincerity” on the others — after all “school” is meant to be the invisible world, protected by those omissions, or misrepresentations, or out right lies. 

Needless to say, the longer my tenure, the more my primary social circle consisted of those “doing the work”. Our interactions were governed by “school” rules such as: no unnecessary talking; interact outside school only through voicemail — no organic and unmonitored conversation, no meeting for coffee just to chat; limit your discussion to ideas, school presentations and asking for “help”.

In concert “school”-specific “rules” began to shape and define my “un-schooled” relationships. The longer my tenure, the more “school” devoured my life. The more it devoured my life, the less common ground I had with those outside and the more I lied to “protect it”. You can see how attendees burn bridges and build walls between themselves and the “sleepwalking” masses.

What school’s “younger students” don’t know is that “school” extends the “clever insincerity” policy to govern interactions between attendees. “Older students” and “teachers” employ it on recruitees and their less evolved charges from recruitment on, ad nauseum. A “school” invitation, is simply the beginning — one of many “school”-sanctioned lies; it generally begins with the question “How would you like to meet other like-minded people who discuss ideas?” and concludes with the caveat,  “…it is very important to not tell anyone about this…it’s private, just for you.”

From that point on, school employs a bullshit free-for-all! A free “five-week experiment”special — two nights a week, during which you join the anointed in Billerica, to discuss esoteric ideas that you “can’t find anywhere else”. Of course, Google Gurdjieff and ideas, publications and societies pop up on an endless font of websites, articles and books, etc. But “school” omitted Gurdjieff’s name from its “teachings” and written material (literally redacting his name from an entire book, then photocopying the pages and bounding it into “The Black Book”) and many of us had no idea that “school’s” source material began with his work.

This is coupled with “school’s” non-fraternization policy — the requirement that “schooled” souls don’t acknowledge each other when in out “only life”. We were to be components of the invisible world; men and women who were “working on themselves”, approaching the day-to-day grind from above,  intersecting the horizontal world with the vertical world (imagine, if you will, the symbolism of the cross) and spreading the gospel through our fine vibrations without revealing ourselves as wingless angels and certainly never talking to those who deserted the ranks.

As time progresses, “school” insinuations morph into “there are people out in life vying to bring the institution down” further feeding the us verses them ideology. Its deceit continues to proliferate exponentially over time — lies require more secrets; more secrets require more lies and on and on and on. It is a simple equation really: the longer your tenure, the more lies “school” feeds you and the more lies you tell — ever widening the gulf between you and the un-“schooled”.

Inevitably, the un-“schooled” confront the “schooled” and then “school” — predictably — paints those who confront as “school” saboteurs. My husband confronted me and I turned to “teachers” for “help”. “School’s” response —“tell your husband to mind his own business”— provided a rude awakening: my insignificant and annoying little marriage (along with my shrinking bank account and tenuous mental health) were inconveniences to “school’s” illustrious and mysterious aim (more real estate for Sharon). “School” was pushing me to choose between it and my marriage. I told Robert that if I stayed in “school”, I would lose my marriage. His response revealed my  “only life things” as insignificant; “It’s a terrible thing your husband has done to you,” he said. Yes indeed, a terrible thing — my husband told me his concerns over my crippling depression, school-related waning self-confidence and our dwindling finances. My husband decided to do some online research and found damning information about “school” which he shared with me — what a monster.

Up until that point, I had been employing the required “clever insincerity” as much as I felt necessary. I wasn’t a model student by any stretch; I was certainly not the most clever of “school’s” insincere — I’ve always been more of a heart-on-my-sleeve kind of gal, so I’m considerably more clever when sincere. Also I had my own creative definition of when to use “clever insincerity” — my personal model often didn’t align with “school’s” prescription.

That said, the longer my tenure, the more I justified the need to “protect school” and the more lies I told. Suddenly, I woke up to the fact that “clever insincerity” had separated me from the un-“schooled” as a superior human — a woman “working on myself”; a woman “awakening”. I recognized this superiority — beings who are ” in the world, but not of it” —  as its own clever insincerity. We were people with “magnetic center” — not everyone has magnetic center, school told us; in fact, most don’t. “Hmm,” I said to myself, “Maybe I need to re-join the un-magnetic human race.”

Leaving was fucking lonely. I’ve never felt so alone before or since. Even when my father died I stood beside him with my family. Usually a stoic and heady bunch, we joined hands and said goodbye together, watching the breath literally leave his body. But leaving “school” came only with insomnia jolting me out of bed at sunrise and sending my feet to walk a nearby park. Watching the sun climb over the trees illuminated the psychic and emotional gulf between myself and those I love; it opened up before me in a clear, blue morning sky: I saw myself with no one to talk to and no where to turn except upward to consult with the powers beyond me and inward to consult my heart.

Solitude forced me to face the truth: I was addicted to “school” and prolonging my tenure out of fear. “School’s” benefits had long since petered out; yet, I believed I needed it. My tenure had morphed into emotional dependence ruled by my sense of helplessness, my inability to make simple decisions without “teachers” to “instruct” me, as I was less and less able to trust my own thoughts, perceptions and emotions. The more “help” I needed, the more license “school” had to increase its demands and, in concert, eat away at my “un-schooled” relationships. The more I owed to “school” and its mysterious aim, the less I had to share with the masses. My efforts to evolve vis-a-vis “school” reduced me into a woman that dismissed and hurt my husband and lied to almost every important person in my life. Of course, along with it came an increasing discomfort — my inner rebels who kept asking, “Ummm, what the fuck are you doing?” I didn’t trust them and tried to dismiss them; thank God they persisted.

When I left school, I was suddenly free from “school”-sponsored restrictions, sleep deprivation and the shackles of constant and ever-growing “school” demands. But for roughly the first month, I was still “honoring” the non-fraternization policy.But the inconsistencies, the lies I had told and the things I’d done in service to “school” that I didn’t believe in started nagging at me and playing out like movies in my mind. I saw how, like any good addict, I had become increasingly more willing to do things that felt seedy, deceitful and wrong.

The more I saw, the more I felt the shame and embarrassment that comes with realizing you’ve been led down the primrose path and bullied right into a pile of bullshit. Shame is its own prison; it waltzes with secrecy dancing you into further isolation. I began to feel like a madwoman. I broke the isolation out of shear desperation — I couldn’t bear this lonely dance and from this decision came two of the most important components of my healing: reaching out to the “dangerous and disgruntled ex-students” and eventually revealing “school’s” secrets by writing and posting this blog.

I can honestly say I have no regrets about leaving “school”. I now have no regrets about stumbling into it either — for it pushed me up against this question: how do I want to live? And I had to decide whether I wanted to follow my internal compass or continue seeking guidance and approval from external sources. And I now thank God that I “broke the rules” and shared my story on the world wide web. I have heard from many people all of whom were hurt by the illustrious institution. Secrets and isolation are “school’s” cancer. Telling the truth truly did set me free and reconnecting to my cohorts has been a critical component to understanding and recovering from this experience.

Several of us disgruntled now break “the rules” on a regular basis and this brings me back to the initial email conversation. Some of my former “classmates” made the brave choice to leave while still in their magical and amazing years. They were starting to see their tenures start to veer down a path that didn’t look quite as rosy and chose to trust that instinct.  However, their choice to stay or go was not as clear cut as mine, and the resulting isolation messier and more painful.  Not only that, the un-schooled spouses have experienced a different brand of “school”-sponsored isolation. I believe its important to know about their experiences and  I have asked some of my co-horts to write guest posts and hope to create a series about isolation and the shrapnel it leaves in its wake. I hope you find it helpful.

In the meantime, break the rules!

I am posting a link to this article, 40 Regrets You Don’t Want to Have in 40 Years at the request of one of the “disgruntled”.

As a “school” survivor I found these points most relevant:

5) Ignoring my intuition for too long.
7) Letting others talk me out of my dreams.
15) Putting my own needs and happiness on the back burner.
18) Letting someone walk all over me, ad infinitum.

Truthfully these are pitfalls anyone could bumble into, not only those of us who bumbled into a cult.

I now work with Alzheimer’s patients and there is no more poignant reminder that life is short and fragile. My patients were once lawyers, rocket scientists, dancers, doctors, professional artists and more. They raised families, forged careers, some escaped the holocaust. Today they can’t tie their own shoes.

If you are able to read this blog, you are still able to bring meaning to your life, in your way.

In case you were wondering how invisible “school” really is, I wanted to share this Time Out article from 2006. It doled out “Kool-Aid Potential” ratings for the Big Apple’s “fringy organizations and secret societies”.  Time Out awarded “School”  — or as it was known back then The Odyssey Study Group — only one glass – fairly benign. They must have been disappointed. I hope it makes you laugh:

Things to do: Follow the leader

“The very word ‘secrecy’ is repugnant in a free and open society; and we are as a people inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths, and to secret proceedings.” – John F. Kennedy

I present to you ….

The Onion:Lapsed Cult Member Only Attends Sanctum On Major Bloodletting Holiday

Provided by another of the “disgruntled ex-students”, I know that this article is more of a spoof on Scientology than “school”; regardless, I hope it makes you laugh as hard as I did. Enjoy!

I wish you all happy & healthy school-free holidays. May you revel in your freedom from the highly dreaded and anticipated Christmas Party.

How have you freed yourself, let me count the ways:

1) No more party-related emotional havoc reeked annually on family members, jobs, &  friendships allegedly in service to “evolution”.
2) No more “work sessions” devouring your weekends and hours after work, often keeping you out and awake into the wee hours of the morning.
3) No more trying to explain your yearly absence to those waiting for you at home, while also “protecting school” by not revealing where you were and what you were doing.
4) No more scavenging for cardboard and squeezing shopping trips for party “supplies” between work and family needs.
5) No more bilking a local merchant for a free Christmas tree by telling that merchant you’re organizing a party for a homeless shelter, or a church, or a nursery school.

A small sampling of the benefits of the “school”- free holiday season.

May you pour all the time & energy “school” would have stolen into those you love — cooking special food for them; creating a festive and beautiful environment in the home; presenting them with gifts of all varieties, participating in performances they can actually attend, etc, etc, etc. etc.

After I left “school”, it took a while for me to admit that it was a cult. After all, who wants to accept that they’ve been conned– hypnotized into spending thousands, losing years and damaging relationships in the process. I justified my tenure to myself; after all, what was the difference between “school” and church, or temple?

A lot, as it turns out.

In this book the authors outline three factors that differentiate cults from other organized groups such as a Rotary Club, the PTA, Moose Lodge, the Military, etc. They write:

“…  the phrase ‘cultic relationships’ (signifies) more precisely the processes and interactions that go on in a cult. A cultic relationship is one in which a person intentionally induces others to become totally or nearly totally dependent on him or her for almost all major life decisions and inculcates in these followers a belief that he or she has some special talent, gift or knowledge.”

Sound familiar?

One day I saw my dependence for what it was; in seeing my “teachers” as “more evolved” I abdicated responsibility increasingly seeking permission and approval from them. In horror, I said to myself, “I got to the point where I practically had to ask permission to wipe my ass.” I shared this with another escapee — affectionately known as 007 for orchestrating a great jailbreak in 2012 — and his snarky reply was, “Yes — but are you ‘remembering yourself’ while you’re wiping your ass?”

In that spirit, I will share the three identifying cult traits described by authors Singer & Lalich:

1) Origin of group and role of leader:

Cult leaders are self-appointed, persuasive persons who claim to have a special mission in life and to have special knowledge … (some) claim to have rediscovered ancient ways to produce enlightenment … others claim to have developed (ways) to lead followers into new levels of awareness.

“School” falls into the “rediscovered ancient ways” side of this equation, using esoteric ideas collected, studied and extrapolated on by Armenian philosopher, G.I. Gurdjieff, but neglecting to mention him as its source. It instead makes claims such as “You’ll never find these ideas anywhere else.” “School” neglects to mention other things, too; for example, I didn’t know about its New York City headquarters. Robert heads up the Boston branch — articulate, charming and intelligent — all the other “teachers” defer to him, often saying, “You have to ask Robert”.  At some point, though, “school’s” real grande dame, Sharon, swoops in for a royal appearance, her entourage bright-eyed and bushy tailed.

My first Sharon encounter was one of many screaming sirens that I would dismiss; on occasion Robert would wistfully slip in to some class “discussion” the phrase, “I remember when Sharon said …”. He didn’t bother to explain who Sharon was and we didn’t ask. Then she materialized, strutting to the head of the class, surrounded by reverent subjects, King Robert escorting her, beaming at her. A hush fell over the room as she took her throne; Robert turned to us plebs and said simply, “Ask your questions.”

She kicked someone out, spouted off incomprehensible bullshit in response to our questions then disappeared into the night, her entourage spiriting her away. I was horrified and briefly woke up to the fact that I’d joined a cult. But the next day, when I told my “sustainer” that I found the evening, and the woman, upsetting she encouraged me to “talk about this in ‘class’.” I now recognize that pat line as “school’s” damage control and the staged scene as theater – a performance to make “school” appear to be something it’s not.

After I left I learned that Sharon is “school’s” self-appointed leader and Robert her pawn, the messenger. As the story goes, Alex Horn founded the cult now known as “school”. It was the 70s and in San Francisco — a breeding ground for such “communities” at that time.  Horn deemed his cult The Theater of All Possibility and Sharon, an actress, joined up and eventually married Alex. Amid allegations of various abuses, and an expose via a series of newspaper articles, San Francisco kicked the theater out. It disappeared and re-appeared on the East Coast, where at some point Sharon kicked Alex off the throne and took her seat.

2) Structure — Relationship between Leader and Followers:

Cults are authoritarian in structure. The leader is regarded as the supreme authority, although he may delegate certain power to a few subordinates for the purpose of seeing that members adhere to his wishes and rules. In a cult the leader has the only and final ruling on all matters. Cults appear to be innovative and exclusive. Cult leaders claim to be offering and instituting the only viable system for change that will solve life’s problems or the world’s ills … almost all cults make the claim that their members are “chosen”, “select”, while nonmembers are considered lesser beings.

Cults tend to have a double set of ethics. Members are urged to be open and honest within the group and to confess all to the leader. At the same time, members are encouraged to deceive and manipulate non-members. The overriding philosophy in cults is that the end justifies the means … a view that allows cults to establish their own brand of morality outside normal social bounds … the cult’s specific language is used to justify a double set of ethics making it acceptable for members to deceive non-members.

On the grand “school” hierarchy — New York super cedes Boston. All “school” plebs (even those who know Sharon only as a mysterious name inserted into “class discussions”) exist to bolster, enable and embolden her delusions of royalty as the guardian of grand esoteric ideas and higher knowledge; she safeguarded those sacred gifts and we safeguarded her at all personal costs.

Of course “school” doesn’t tell its recruits and students “Join us and eventually your life will be disregarded — funneled into a mirage that bolsters the delusions of a crazy woman.” It instead tells those “students” that “magnetic center” drew them to “the work”. Not everyone has “magnetic center”, it says; In fact, most don’t. Thus “school” doesn’t allow any old slob into its hallowed halls. Those who are drawn to “the work” feel awfully special, as we rise above the tide of “sleeping humanity”. Like Jesus, we are in the the world, but not of the world.

Our “evolution” depended heavily on our honest confession of transgressions through reporting on “self observations” and doing what is called “being work” (asking for “help” with a “personal weakness”). For — as Robert once told me one day after I’d confessed a “transgression” — “What is the point of being in ‘school’ if you’re going to lie.” Meanwhile, preserving ideas safeguarded by Queen Sharon justified a pyramid scheme of deception, i.e. “clever insincerity”. “Teachers” and “sustainers” lie to “students”; in those rare moments when the “older class” and “younger class” intermingle, the “older students” lie to the “younger students”. This “clever insincerity” “protects school” from those who are “not ready” for its sacred knowledge.

Additionally, “Sustainers” tell their assigned charges that their conversations are confidential, when in reality they report those conversations to “teachers”. “Teachers” use the reported information at opportune moments to appear psychic. “School” omits mention of the inter-school marriages with Sharon as matchmaker, Alex Horn in San Francisco with the allegations of physical and sexual abuse that followed him around, the neglected children and so on, and so on, and so on. “Students” were instructed to employ “clever insincerity”  on “sleeping humanity” when  friends and family questioned the institution — after all they “didn’t get it”. All employed “clever insincerity” on potential recruits, who would have run away screaming had they known that what was being presented as an “esoteric mystery school” was — in fact — a mind control cult.

3) Coordinated program of Persuasion

Most cults expect members to devote increasing time, energy and money or other resources to the professed goals of the group, stating or implying that a total commitment is required to reach some state such as “enlightenment”.

Cults tend to require members to undergo a major disruption or change in life-style. Many cults put great pressure on new members … to become immersed in the group’s major purpose. This isolation tactic is one of the cult’s most common mechanisms of control and enforced dependency.

As a new “student” your commitment is to attend Tuesday and Thursday night classes from which come assignments, readings, daily exercises and meetings with “sustainers” outside of “class”.  Then “school” slips the phrase “three lines of work” into its “class discussions” — in order to “evolve” you must first work on yourself, then work for others and eventually — and most importantly — work for “school”.  Then comes the “Christmas Party“. “School’s” Christmas party super cedes and usurps the time and energy that you should focus on friends and family during the holiday season, and you can imagine how well that goes over.  The dreaded “class outside of class” is another “school”-initiated party that devours the lives of “students”. Fortunately, I never had to participate in the planning of one of those. Maybe someone else can comment on their experiences. Finally, but most critical, comes recruiting newbies. “School” is careful to not set this requirement in motion until you’ve been properly indoctrinated.

Add to the equation that all of this “work” is to be done in “secret” to “protect school” and you suddenly find yourself in an invisible prison that slowly isolates you from the  “un-schooled” — i.e. the rest of “sleeping humanity”.  Over time “demands” increase, as do the number of lies you tell and the number of things you can’t share with the “un-schooled” grow in concert with those “demands”, imposing a secret and ever-expanding isolation; your invisible prison, as school hijacks you body, mind, heart and spirit and you get farther and farther away from the uninitiated friends and family.

One of the most confusing aspects of “school” is that it deems “only life” our testing ground. It doesn’t physically separate its plebs from “sleeping humanity” as some other cults do; many of us lived in our own homes, work jobs out in “life”, and marry “unschooled” spouses. Many “students” eventually lose their “only life things,” damaging marriages, jobs, children etc. Of course, had I stayed in “school”, I may have lost my marriage and found myself in a “school”-arranged marriage — as so many do. It’s very possible that the longer you stay in “school” the more insular and isolated your social circle becomes, until you only encounter the “un-schooled” at line in the Stop and Shop, where — of course — a good “school” doobie immediately tries to recruit them.

I keep telling myself, I’m going to focus on other things, but for better or worse, I have become fascinated with cults. I started reading this book on a recommendation and quickly went from reading to devouring when I found that Chapter 3, The Process of Brainwashing, Psychological Coercion and Thought Reform, illustrated my “school” experience to a T.

If some are still wondering whether “school” is really a cult, or just a misguided philosophy group, authors Margaret Thaler Singer and Janja Lalich will quickly and succinctly puts your wondering to rest. As disturbing as it is, I feel empowered by knowing the truth: “school” tactics are not the rituals of a wannabe esoteric mystery school, as claimed, but widely-used cult tools and tricks as modeled by Scientology, The Moonies and Jehovah’s Witnesses (to name a few of the more highly visible cults).

According to Singer and Lalich, successful thought reform “keeps the subjects unaware that they are being manipulated and controlled  … and unaware that they are being moved along a path of change that will lead them to serve interests that are to their disadvantage.”

Sound familiar?

They outline a “continuum of influence and persuasion” ranging from legitimate education (i.e. real schools) to thought reform. Let’s look at the thought reform bullets and see if anything else sounds familiar:

Point 1) Structure of Influence and Persuasion: takes authoritarian & hierarchical stance; no full awareness on part of the learner:

Who among us “students” didn’t feel intimidated by “teachers” — Robert in particular? Who didn’t lose his/her ability to challenge and question the “teachings” and “demands”? Who among us didn’t feel beholden to “school instructions” even if we didn’t understand the intention behind them; even if all the cells in our bodies were screaming NO? “Teachers” lorded over the classroom as more highly-evolved beings, who had been “doing the work longer”. We told ourselves, if we do “the work” we will someday understand what they understand. “Teachers” reinforced our perceptions telling us to “maintain a healthy skepticism with a nickel’s worth of trust.” “Teachers” also brushed skepticism aside and failed to reveal the interest rate on that nickel.

Point 2) Type of relationship: Group attempts to retain people forever:

This point really got to me; when my recruiter, Lisa, asked me if I’d like to meet other people who ponder life’s bigger questions, I distinctly remember her painting a casual picture: a bi-weekly discussion group that people wandered in and out of; a group of friends who gather informally to discuss ideas and tools for living. I’d grown to trust Lisa. What could it hurt to meet some like-minded folks, I asked myself? Over time I learned what it could hurt. “School” built up its demands a little at a time: rigid requirements for stellar bi-weekly attendance, Christmas-party planning participation, the ridiculous requirement that we schedule our personal vacations around “school’s vacations” (I must admit, most people never took this seriously) and eventually the required recruitment. Lisa had lied. I felt angry at her and I remember thinking bitterly, “I didn’t sign up for this.” But I also shoved that anger aside, justifying her manipulation, “I would never have joined ‘school’ had I known the extent of its demands. Then I would have missed out on all of its ‘help’ and my life would still be a frustrating circle of confusion and disappointment.”

One night Robert mentioned playing basketball with one of my fellow students ten years prior. “Holy shit,” my inner rebels said, briefly waking up. “A decade??? [INSERT NAME] has been attending ‘classes’ for ten years?” I should have stayed with the horror I was feeling, but I shoved that voice aside. On a separate occasion I did once say , “We’re not all going to be here forever.” Robert’s expression darkened, his displeasure apparent. I had stepped in a minefield in my audacity to question lifelong “school” tenures. He responded that some have left “school” with his “blessing”. I never saw evidence that “school” honors or blesses an individual’s choice to leave, but even if this were true, his response indicated that they had to ask for his permission. There’s no point at which someone could stand up and say, “I’ve decided to do some other things with my time” without questioning, pressure and push-back from the group. Once one is *in*, “school” offers no sanctioned *exit*. Eventually, anyone who leaves becomes a “disgruntled ex-student”, or an enemy. Persona non grata.

Point 3) Deceptiveness: is deceptive

See points 1 and 2; suffice to say that “school” provides endless examples of deceptions custom-made to retain “students”. Those readers who were *in* “school” can compile the lies told to bait them, reel them in and keep them hooked. I’m confident that their experiences will closely echo mine.  I will simply add this phrase — well worn in the hallowed halls: clever insincerity.

Point 4) Breadth of Learning: Individualized target; hidden agenda (you will be changed one step at a time to become deployable to serve leaders)

Almost every emancipated ex-“student” I’ve spoken with since leaving the ranks likens their “school” experience to this commonly told cautionary tale: a frog is placed in a pot of cool water.  A burner is turned on beneath the pot. The water heats slowly, imperceptively. When the water boils, it’s too late. The longer your tenure the more susceptible you become and more easily deployed to “serve school”, i.e. recruit more students who will pay tuition and eventually be deployed to recruit more students when deemed ready by the authorities. Eventually, “school’s” demands will super cede all of their “only life things”: marriages, children, jobs, family, personal finances, interests and passions, friends, emotional and physical health all secondary.

Point 5) Methods: Improper and unethical techniques:

Again, see “clever Insincerity”. I realized while still in “school” that “clever insincerity” isn’t simply a “teaching”, it is policy. “School” lies and omits information conveniently; it then instructs its plebs to do the same. I justified this practice believing that, even though “clever insincerity” felt wrong, I didn’t understand the process of “evolution”. “School” lulled me into seeing it as a benign and necessary practice to “protect” the secret “esoteric” ideas. It shored up the illusion of “school” as “invisible”, as though friend and family didn’t take note of our bi-weekly disappearing acts and changing personalities. “Clever insincerity” claimed these secret esoteric ideas came from an “oral tradition”, neglecting to mentioning the source, Russian philosopher, G. Gurdjieff and his myriad of published books, easily accessible on Amazon.com. “Clever Insincerity” inferred that, without “school”, these sacred ideas would disappear forever.

Initially after leaving, I still justified “school’s” unethical techniques, believing them necessary for “school’s” survival; still believing that each “student” made a personal choice about staying or going. But let’s name “clever insincerity” rightly: lies, deception, coercion and manipulation.

If the decision you make is based on lies, it is not a personal choice. It isn’t possible to make an informed choice about continuing your study in an esoteric school when, in truth, the “school” is a mind-control cult with a hidden agenda.